The life of Shahirah..

No more updates..

2009-12-30T20:35:00.004+08:00

Hey all!! I hope you guys are doing great. It has been a while since I updated my blog and I have decided to stop updating it. I couldn't find the time to update it. Held up with so many things. I couldn't imagine how much pressure and works are on me. They sure look little but there's a whole lot of things to be done. Well, I gotta say goodbye to this blog. So many bitter sweet memories here shared amongst the people around me. I'm gonna end the last chapter of this blog in a sweet, sweet, sweetest way..

Looking at the posts about the sweetest people I have ever met in Nanyang Polytechnic, my ups and downs in relationships, how I was a play girl after a bitter break up just to find the perfect boyfriend that I needed.. And I have found him. Close to four months and counting.. And a new chapter begins here. I'm grateful for him to be right here with me. All the qualities that I needed in a man is in him. God is fair. No repeated mistakes for me. Nothing is going to bring us down. This is one precious gem that I cannot let go. It's very hard for me to find a guy like him in this era. I thank God for this.

And it's going to be a new year in a day's time. And it's goodbye 2009, hello 2010! It will be a bitter sweet moment for my very dearest girlfriends and boyfriends in NYP. Most of us are going to graduate in a few months' time. I do feel sad. We have been together for three years. Some, since the primary or secondary school days. Our friendship grows stronger each day and we take care of each other. We laugh and cry together. Oh, those sweet memories can never be compared to anything else. Not even a box of chocolates.. Deep in my heart, I love you guys till the end no matter what.. I thank you guys for being a part of my wonderful life. You guys have taught me so many things that I couldn't imagine I could do(you guys know that I'm always blur! Hehe..). You guys coloured my world with myriad of bright colours and it's one of the masterpieces that I will always remember till the end. I hope I coloured your world with bright colours too. =) I'm lucky to have you guys around me.

And with this last note, I wanna wish all of us all the best for this final lap and I love each and every one of you, all of you who have been with me, all the way from the day I was born up to this present day, haha!

Hugs and Kisses,

Shahirah aka Irah aka Shera

Suddenly..

2009-10-19T00:46:00.002+08:00

After so long.. Finally I'm back here. Hehe.. Was busy with my performances and other things. Just got back from Tanjong Balai, Karimun. Reached Singapore at 2pm. Very tiring.

But.. Somebody fetched me. Hee.. Well, I just want to say thank you for the time that we had since Ramadan.. I owe this person a lot. Don't know what to do or how to pay you back. Haha.. I will find ways to do that.. =)

Hmm.. I will blog again soon.. I'm really wearing out already. Stay tuned for the next update.

ps. I'm so happy ever since that day. =) I really miss you every time you're not around. LOL..

What can I say?

2009-08-21T01:00:00.002+08:00

I guessed I just solved a mystery in my life. So many secrets revolved around me. So many unforseen things that keep on coming to me. I'm too nice to people. Even if they break my heart so many times, they cheat my feelings, they played me out, I would still forgive them. Even the most cruel thing that they did to me, I will still forgive them. I know some of you will be angry with me for being too nice to these kind of people. But they deserve the chance. They do. They want to change but they don't learn from their mistakes. It takes time for them to turn over a new leaf.

I'm happy to see other people happy. And I don't like to see relationships breaking down because of a third party. I was blinded by that. I just want to apologise to someone. I should have listened to my instincts telling me not to develop feelings for him. The feelings did fade. And I'm glad that nothing happened. I'm very thankful to Him from above. I thank Him so much for protecting me. I could cry thinking about how He protected me from all the negative things that are bound to happen if I hadn't follow my instincts. Allah, thank You so much for showing me the right path. Thank You so much.

Yesterday..

2009-07-29T21:20:00.001+08:00

I know I gotta share this info with you people out there who wanna groom themselves. Haha!! Some people may find it personal but I don't give a fuck about it. =P

I went to Fabulous Tan yesterday at Bugis. If a person goes there, he/she either go there for a tanning session, waxing session or teeth whitening session. I went there for a waxing session. =D Brazilian waxing. I know, I know.. Sounds saucy.. Oh crap.. Well, the experience was unforgettable, not because of the ambience of the place but it's because of what I went through.

I was given a towel and went to the washroom to rinse myself before the session started. The room was painted black and there was a bed for me to lay on. I saw the hot wax in the designated processing device. I laid on the bed while young staff took off the towel and directed me to set my legs slightly apart. First, she put powder on the area. Then she put the hot wax. There are 2 types of wax that she used for specific areas. The 'mild' wax was used with a paper I think. The first time she pulled the paper, it was quite painful but still bearable. The worse part was the inner part of the area. She used hard wax. The hard wax doesn't need the paper. She waxed the left part first. The moment the hard wax was 'ripped' off, I see stars. From the position that my legs were supposed to be, I folded my legs up. LOL!! It's damn painful ok!!! Moreover I waxed the most sensitive area of my body. Just bear with the pain. Haha.. I thought I was done after a few strips of wax. Then she asked me to turn to my back. I was like, "Huh?" LOL.. She waxed my butt. This part was funny. You know your butt is quite sensitive to touch. What more just a tap on it! I was giggling all the way when she tried to dry up the hard wax. It's very ticklish! I can't control it. I tried to relax my butt muscles but I think I failed that. Hahaha.. After half an hour, I was done and on the go.

It was my first time doing that. I have been wanting to wax for a long time but I didn't have enough money. I only paid 35 bucks for it. Worth the pain, time and money. Hehe.. Once you're done with Brazilian waxing, you cannot swim for like 2-3 days. Brazilian waxing, anyone? =P

Knocked some sense in me..

2009-07-21T01:57:00.003+08:00

Today, I had a late night chat with Hendra. I haven't been meeting him for a while. I'm thankful that someone kicked some sense in me about trying not to cry about my past. It's a wake up call. He shared so many things about the difference in what a boy and a man are thinking in their heads. Something that I will instill in me. I have to open my eyes wider to see the reality which I don't. I become more analytical about the people who are interested in me. There are good and bad points to this. But at least I'm using my head to think and see for myself who deserves to be with me.

I miss someone..

2009-07-20T00:20:00.003+08:00

To Mohd Helmy Buhary.. It's been a month or so since we talked. And every passing day, my feelings grow for you.. I love you so much. So so much.. I regret about what had happened before. And I did promise you that I won't do that anymore because I love you. And I will never stop saying that. And I can't wait to meet you. You are a guy who has a lot of patience in me and I'm thankful for that. I owe you, baby.. =))))))))))

No One..

2009-07-08T21:03:00.002+08:00

I don't know what I was doing. I just let go someone who loves me. I'm just too confused. Too rushed. Too desperate to have someone to love me. But when that happened, I got lost. My heart just went blank. I feel so guilty. Guilty as ever. I shouldn't have let him go when he is so in love with me. I don't want to make any mistakes. But I just did that. Did I just lose the love of my life? God, help me.. I'm so weak.. Help me get back on track.. Please..

I'm just surprised..

2009-07-01T23:39:00.002+08:00

I was browsing through my blog and took a glimpse of my tagboard. You guys go and check it out. I don't know who did all these. Haha.. They have nothing better to do. And the email address belongs to one of my anugerette's. Obviously someone is trying to sabo me. Recently, I had a conversation with this guy. Take a look.

(8:00 PM) anything whateve: fuyo u're hot
(8:00 PM) SĦєЯΛ™ Love: thx
(8:01 PM)*unicef SĦєЯΛ™ Love is a game.. Tell me if love is true.. has changed his/her name to "*unicef SĦєЯΛ™ Love me sincerely. "
(8:01 PM) anything whateve: can we fling
(8:02 PM) SĦєЯΛ™ Love: i duwan
(8:02 PM) anything whateve: can la
(8:03 PM) anything whateve: i upah can
(8:03 PM) SĦєЯΛ™ Love: excuse me, for ur info, im nt a whore
(8:03 PM) anything whateve: u're hot sey
(8:04 PM) SĦєЯΛ™ Love: secondly, go get a life
(8:04 PM) anything whateve: fuck u slut
(8:04 PM) SĦєЯΛ™ Love: wats wit all dis upah2..
(8:04 PM)anything whatever is now Offline

My God.. I'm trying not to make any assumptions but I never had enemies. Some people uh..

To the person who spammed my tagboard, I forgive you for whatever you said. It's not nice doing all these. If I ever hurt your feelings, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. My words may be harsh, but think again, your language is far worse than mine. Even now, I'm being very nice to you. I'm not the kind who would get worked up because of this.

Cry

2009-06-21T13:36:00.002+08:00

I fell in love with this song when I first heard it. It says so much about my previous relationship. Read the lyrics. It just hit all the right spots.

Cry by Rihanna

I'm not the type to get my heart broken, I'm not the type to get upset and cry

Cause I'll never leave my heart open never hurts me to say goodbye

Relationships don't get deep to me never got that whole enough thing

And someone can say they love me truly but at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone I'm spinning round and deep inside my tears I'll drown

I'm losing grip what's happening I stray from love this is how I feel

This time was different felt like I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life

Now i'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart but no matter what

You'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed cause it's hurting me to let it go

Maybe cause we spend so much time and I know that it's no more

I shoulda never let you hold me baby maybe why I'm sad to see us apart

I didn't give it to you on purpose gotta figure out how you stole my heart

My mind is gone I'm spinning round and deep inside my tears I'll drown

I'm losing grip what's happening I stray from love this is how I feel

This time was different felt like I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life

Now i'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart but no matter what

You'll never see me cry

How did I get here with you I'll never know

And never meant to let it get so personal

And after all I tried to do to stay away from loving you

I'm broken hearted I can let you know

And I wont let it show, you wont see me cry

This time was different felt like I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life

Now I'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart but no matter what

You'll never see me cry

This time was different felt like I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife when you walked outta my life

Now I'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart but no matter what

You'll never see me cry, all my life

Bland Saturday

2009-06-21T03:21:00.003+08:00

I woke up at 1.28pm today. I had the nicest sleep ever. Finally. Didn't do much today. Went to my granny's place and supper at Jalan Masjid. Had cream of mushroom with a slice of garlic bread. Very filling but after a while, I got hungry again. LOL.. Met Chirul's parents there. His mum rocks!!! Haha.. I love his mum. =D I met her during my Anugerah training. Very outgoing person. Love her to bits.

Love is in the air for me. I thank Him for sending him to me. I can totally forget about Chris Brown. I don't know how he did it but it just happened!! Thank you so much b.. I hope that I can be with you. =))))

ps. I'm just thinking about you. Just you. I'm happy that you came into my life. You are my saviour.. Love you.. Muackz..

2009-06-18T22:29:00.003+08:00

I was early today. Thank God. Hahaha!! Today, I wore something different. My Ed Hardy tee, and my checkered mini skirt with solid black hose. And I wore my favourite converse sneakers, my bangles and my Nike backpack. LOL!! Today, I felt like a rock star. Woo!! Cool or what?!

Actually, I felt more like a British kid. Just that I don;t have piercings on my face. Would love to have it on my brow and my lips. Hehe.. I think my mum will be slapping my face if I have those!! Temptation baby.. LOL.. Felt like a long day. You know, the walking distance from Creative and Jurong East MRT station is a 5 minutes walk. But today, it felt like 20 minutes. God damn it!!! It felt like ages just to reach the station!!!

Luckily, I got a seat for myself in the train. Went all the way to Tampines 1 just to buy J.CO donuts. Hehe!! Freaking nice people!!! I support them!! Hahah!! Box of 3 filled with Blueberry donut, Glazzy and Miss Green T. I was amazed at the amount of donuts they have when I wanted to buy it. There were only less than 10 donuts placed on the glass trays. And my Alcapone is not available. East side people really love their food uh.. Haha..

I haven't been eating junk food like Old Chang Kee for months. So I decided to buy Squid Head onStik and Ngoh Hiang. One word to describe it: Heaven. LOL.. It's indulging but I don't like to eat it often. =P

===================================================================

Every night, I can't wait to go home and switch on my lappy. Hehe.. This is my reason: Helmy.

You guys don't know him yet. Maybe when we are getting more serious, then I will let you guys meet him ya. =))) Well, what can I say.. It's like Godsend. He made my feelings fade for Chris Brown. You guys know how hard it is for me to forget him. Then from nowhere, Helmy just appeared and every night, he just make me smile. I really miss that feeling. Well, my mum was ok about him. I'm very happy about that. Seriously. Usually, she will say, " You want to meet this person?!" Then she will give me that why-of all-guys-him?! face expression. This time, she's super relaxed. LOL.. B, it's a good sign. =)))))))))))))))))))))))

Hmm.. There are sparks obviously. Hehe.. I don't know when I will get to hear him. Hopefully soon. =D

I got to go now. Sleepy already. Haha.. Update soon!! =))

100th post!!!

2009-06-16T22:44:00.002+08:00

I just realized that this is my 100th post! Haha.. Maybe I will write about something special. Hmm.. Let me see.. Nothing seems to hit the special key. Except for getting to know that I do have fans. HAHA.. I find it awkward but I appreciate it people!!! =D

Ok, here goes today's story. On Sunday, I had work at Chai Chee. While I was taking care of the karaoke console, there was this malay aunt and her daughter who wanted to take photos with me. Of course I was delighted!! Hehe.. After the engagement ceremony, my uncle came up to my mum and told her something. I was helping out with the packing so I don't know what they were talking about at first. Then I went towards my mum. You guys will not believe what my mum told me. She said that the aunt wanted to match make me with her son!!! OMG!!! My jaw just dropped. I was so shocked. The aunt actually went up to my uncle to ask if I'm still available or not. Then my uncle told her to ask me personally. But she didn't. Thank goodness. I don't want to be match made!! I want to find my own soulmate!!! Haha.. Well, about finding my own, this will lead to another story..

A lot of you know that I used to go dating a lot. And most of the guys that I knew end up becoming my friends. I just can't find the right person who has the same 'frequency' as me. This time, maybe I found the person with the same frequency. Hehe.. I wanted to get to know more about you.. And I'm serious.. =) I'm just hoping that he can help me fade my feelings towards that someone away.. Takes time but I have a feeling that it's worth the try.. Wee.. I'm happy!!!! =))))))))))

I will update soon ya.. Can't wait for FRIDAY!!!!!!! Meeting up with my NYP nehs!!! I miss you guys so much!!!!!!!!!! XD I have so many stories to share with you!! Well, goodnight world.. Imma sleep underneath a blanket of stars.. =))))))

2009-06-14T02:14:00.002+08:00

It's 2.14am on my watch. For the past few days, I have been feeling so down. It has got nothing to do with me getting eliminated from the competition. I just realised that people are drifting away from me. Ok, maybe it's just me keeping a distance from everyone.

It's just so hard to explain. I feel like crying out loud but who wants to listen to my cries. Frankly speaking, I still can't forget someone. Every night, my mind keeps on playing all the sweet memories that I had with Chris Brown. Only some will know who I am refering to. I didn't ask for all that. I mean, I didn't ask my mind to recall all those memories back. If possible, I want to forget about him.. It's just so hard for me to move on. I know he has. It's obvious. He's happy and I'm not. I know it's so stupid of me to yearn for him still. He left me when I needed him.

Every night I cry. What a foolish bitch to cry over this. But still, I just can't move on. I love him too much. I tried to fall for other guys but it's of no use. Why can't I move on easily like the rest of the people do? I'm sick and tired of breaking down everyday.

Back..

2009-06-10T19:02:00.002+08:00

Life has been a struggle for me because there are so many things going on all at once. From the competition to the people around me to my attachment.. I would say that my life is indeed in a huge mess. I got more and more confused by day. I dunno what I was trying to do to myself for the past few weeks.

But first, I would like to thank all my supporters, especially my family and family friends. I love you guys to bits. Thank you for the posters and banners, mama and Uncle Lan. To my friends, from the closest to the hi-bye friends, thank you for voting for me. HAHAHA!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS NO MATTER WHAT! And I'm still the same old Shahirah that you guys know!! I'm always down to earth and belo. LOL!! =D

I was eliminated from Anugerah yesterday. I was sad. But after a while, I thought, it's good. Then I can focus more on my attachment programme and get more money. Haha.. I won't forget about singing. I can sing but I can't seem to move on the stage at all. Like a log singing on stage. I need guidance. Loads of it.

Fought with an idiot. Big time. The idiot just crossed the line. I let everything out. It felt good and I don't feel any remorse whatsoever. 12 weeks of stress all coming from the idiot even if he gave me a chuck of notes for the project. So what? Thought that all the stress was for me to learn how to manage stress. Don't fuck about it. Giving negative remarks will help students to learn how to manage stress huh? That's BULLSHIT YOU IDIOT! And still have the fucking guts to say that I got the CD filled with the AES right at the beginning of FYP. FUCK OFF IDIOT! The idiot didn't give me the CD but gave me the report of the previous student only. And the idiot insisted that I got the CD in front of my dad. That was the last straw. I just blew up and shouted at the idiot. I really felt like punching his fucking face. His malicious smile that he gave me. Luckily my dad controlled me.

I'm not the kind of person you want to mess with. I have been silent for 12 weeks even if he demoralised me for my work. He doesn't care what he says to people. He doesn't care if he hurts other people's feelings. But that day, I couldn't contain my anger. He felt like he didn't do anything wrong. Only after awhile when I shouted at him repeatedly about not getting the CD, then he said that maybe it's his fault for not giving me the CD to do the AES. What kind of BULLSHIT is that? And he gave the most idiotic reason for not replying to my messages or calls. He said that his phone has problems. Only on the following day, then he realised that the message wasn't sent. What kind of BULLSHIT is that? He could have at least called after knowing the problem if he wanted me to do well for the project. But he didn't. He just shut up. People, You can see how idiotic this person is. God knows what happened through out. He will be the judge. Enough of that. It's done already. Hah. Don't want to see that face again.

I miss my girlfriends a lot. To the secondary school Girlfriends, I'm so so sorry for not turning up last Friday. Gosh.. Can we have another one soon?? PLEASE!! =) To my NYP NEH NEHS, CAN WE GO TO SENTOSA SOON!!!! I NEED A TAN!!! LOL!! TELL ME WHEN YOU GUYS ARE FREE YA!! Hahaha.. Maybe we can arrange since all of us are busy with work. =D

I got to go. I will update soon!! Stay tuned!!

Same old routine

2009-04-19T15:50:00.002+08:00

It has been 6 weeks of FYP. NOTHING IS PROGRESSING. And I miss Firwan a lot.. OMG!! Somebody tell me what to do!! Argh!!! Haiz.. Don't know, don't care, don't bother.. Say it again. Goodness.. Anugerah's coming up. This is my chance to shine. I'm taking this seriously. I want to achieve my goal. I don't care what people want to say anymore. This is what I'm born to do. No one's going to prevent me from joining it. I am going to make it happen.

FUCKING CRAMPS!!!!!

2009-04-14T15:25:00.002+08:00

OH MY GOD.. The pain is unbearable. I just had my period yesterday. And the cramps that I'm experiencing now is like shit!!! I feel like rolling on the ground at the corridor outside my lab. I can't think straight either. All thanks to the period cramps. Najib will be fetching me after school.. Oh thank God he existed. Haha.. He's gonna hear me whining about today till he goes deaf at one ear. LOL!! Damn Mother Fucker Supervisor!!! Argh!!! If I have a samurai sword with me, I would have beheaded you just now!! No words of encouragement. Just pure Demoralizing words. FUCK OFF!!! AT LEAST I TRIED!!! Haiz.. Forget about it. I don't want to see his FUCKING face. It will only spoil my day. Enough of whining about this Mother Fucker.

All I'm Askin' For

2009-04-10T14:47:00.002+08:00

I miss that one person so much.. My love for him is still going strong despite me being distracted by other guys. They are not Firwan. Firwan is Firwan. No one can replace him in my heart. Well, I just finished writing a song called All I'm Askin' For. Haven't got an idea for the rhythm. Just wanna share with you guys about my feelings and endurance that I have to go through and it's in this song. I'm writing a few more soon. Gonna add into my collection. Haven't been writing for so long. I would say that this is one of the best songs I have written about my life.

So Baby, I just wanna say I love you so much. Deep in my heart, I wish that you could give me the chance. I pray to God day and night so that you would open your heart to me again. :-(

All I’m askin for

Did you know baby,
That when you left me,
I ain’t ready to set you free,
Coz I thought we were going steadfastly,
And it’s only been a week, can’t you see?

I know I made mistakes,
I’ll do whatever it takes,
To get you back again,
Know I gotta go tru the pain.

Baby all I’m askin for,
Is to give that chance once more,
And I’ll wait for you at the door,
That’s all I’m askin for.

I remember that your words were just brief,
I just cried in disbelief,
I didn’t see it comin’,
Boy you know that I was strugglin’.

I’ve been crying all night,
Missed the good night,
Sleep tight, Sweet dreams,
That we always say before we sleep.

Baby all I’m askin for,
Is to give that chance once more,
And I’ll wait for you at the door,
That’s all I’m askin for.

I still feel the last hug you give,
The last kiss you give,
The last gaze you give,
Before you left me in grief.

Like a Star

2009-04-07T00:08:00.003+08:00

It has been three days since I have been single. When you just stepped into singlehood again, you will still miss your ex. Correct? Hmm.. Now, I want to forget about him. But the feeling is there.. Bet he already forgot about me.. Haiz.. Why can't you compromise?? I'm loving you so much but then.. Haiz.. No use saying all that now.. I will just let him fly..

Move on

2009-04-02T12:07:00.002+08:00

Well, since the person doesn't want to communicate with me through anything, then this is the last resort. Express everything on my blog. So don't get offended. No need to be so fucked up about it. No hard feelings yaw..

I don't know if I'm single or not.. No answers. Just silence. A cold war between two parties. Sick of playing hide and seek. People, what should I do? The person is not worth my love and tears huh? Can't decide. My heart's confused. Cupid struck the wrong person. Never thought that he would be like this. No chance. Just don't understand. Compromise. That's the word. I think it doesn't exist in him. Pleaded to him but to no avail. Useless. Tears and energy wasted just for him but he won't come back. What to do? Sometimes, people do not realise how many chances I have given them but they won't give the chance to me. Why uh? Am I too saint? That people can just step on my head and leave? God knows I'm changing to a better person. Realized my mistake. Let me repeat this again.. I REALIZED MY MISTAKE. Concious. That's what I have to instill myself with. It's alright. What goes around comes around baby. LOL.. I have a good feeling about this.

Maybe I will get a guy I deserve to get in the future. *fingers crossed* A short, ugly, fat, unfaithful, won't give chance, can't compromise person. Well, it's actually the reciprocal of what I need from a guy.

ps.I love her. The one & only her. Yes. It's Her. (What are you guys thinking huh? I'm gay? LOL!!)

2009-03-31T17:21:00.002+08:00

I'm just too sad to death. How I wish I could turn back the time and just listen to him teasing me without being sensitive about it. Baby.. I asked you before whether you will regret being with me or not. And you said no.. But now, I think you do..

I love you so much baby..

2009-03-31T15:18:00.004+08:00

To text or not to text.. I'm just so guilty. I'm repeating my mistake over and over again. I have no tears left. I can't cry. It's my heart that's crying. Hoping that you will still call me syg, dear, baby.. If you are reading this, I just want to say that I love you so much. So so much. I'm disappointed of myself too. It's only me who can change me. And I need time. It's only been a week. Give me time to show you who I really am.

I will do anything to hold on to the relationship. I have failed too many times. Please forgive me. I know I'm in the wrong. I beckon you to give me another chance.. I love you baby.. Muackz37..

My beloved Mr Boyfriend..

2009-03-26T12:50:00.002+08:00

I'm in my lab now.. Just taking a break from my work. Oh gosh.. Android is interesting but it sucks because I don't have the code for the project!! @$%#@#$!!! And my stomach's growling.. -_-" Waiting for lunch time.. Freaking LONG..

Anyway, I will be meeting my boyfriend later after school.. I can't wait! Haha.. Miss him too much even if it's only day 4. Hey.. Honeymoon period mah.. Must cherish it. LOL!! And to my circle of friends who knew the both of us, just wanna say that don't get too hyped up.. Kinda scary when you guys have the tendency to gush at new couples. Haha.. Yes.. I'm attached to Firwan. Let's just keep this on the low alright. The boyfriend who can sing very well. Better than me ok!! No attention needed la.. Just want to keep things as simple as possible. K go!

For all the well-wishers, thank you so much for giving me the thumbs ups ya. Bebual macam nak amik award sia.. HAHA!! But seriously, thanks a lot for all the wishes.. Its an interesting relationship that I'm walking through now.. Just hope for the best for the both of us. =)

I'm so lucky to have friends like you guys!!! Love you!! Love you!! Love you!! Haha!! Muackz!!

ps. To my baby.. I love you from the bottom of my heart.. I will cherish you like a precious gem.. Muackz37..

Being Attached

2009-03-23T11:27:00.003+08:00

Well peeps.. Im nt up for grabs animore.. Hehe.. (",) It happened last nite.. On the phone.. LOL.. Decided to be in a relationship wit sum1 whom i knew 4 awhile.. Yes it's a risky ting dat im doin nw. Bt our motive is simple, be in a relationship den gt 2 know each other.. Crazy? Well.. Den wat abt ppl who get married b4 they know each other.. Yea, i know, its diff.. Bt d process is d same.. Who knows, i cn last long wit him using dis method.. Hmm.. Im hoping 4 dat. =P

All i wan is evry1 ard me 2 b happy 4 me.. Anw, he's my fren's fren. So be cool yea.. Haha.. So mayb today i will meet Mr. Boyfriend.. 4 d 1st time. Yeap, 1st time. And u guys shud hear him sing 1 dae.. He's my Brian Mcknight. Haha.. Superb vocals. Like Chris Brown and Rihanna. LOL!! Juz dat he's nt d violent kind. Wan me 2 prove it 2 u? LOL.. U guys will noe him sooner or later.. Well, i cn only update till here.. I nid 2 do my project alr. Haha.. Toodles!!

ps. Let's make dis happen.. =P I believe in u dear firwan..

Enuf said

2009-03-17T10:36:00.004+08:00

Angel gave me a quiz to see what i'm really about. God damn they are true. Check it out. The last part is fucking true. That's me. But i still deny the fact. Hmm.. Changes to be made asap!!

Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

My wish

2009-03-16T21:41:00.002+08:00

You know, people say dat if sum1 realli loves you, he or she will always get back to you no matter what. Wonder if it will happened to me.. Haha.. NOT!! Sum1 has to tell me what love is again. I totally forget what love means. Seriously. Dat is why im searching for sum1 who can show me what love is and be my companion. I have had enough of dating people out. I dont mind making friends though. But i lost track about love. Of all things, LOVE. Gosh.. Paranoia doesn't get in my way. Its just a wake up call. I dun even feel panic. At least i know it takes time to know what love is. Sumtin dat we will grow old with.

I just need sum1.. Dat 1 person to remind me what love is.. But i dunno who.. Sum1 out there. Maybe i have met the person or maybe i hvnt do so. He is still lingering out there. Just hopin dat he will come asap. =)

A cursed girl

2009-03-13T15:02:00.000+08:00

Im in my lab nw.. Still stoned abt wat 2 do wit my project. Bt i cn start wit d report alr.

Bloody Valentine??

2009-03-13T00:09:00.003+08:00

Went to watch My BloodyValentine after sch wit Hosni.. LOL.. D movie was crap. Vague. Not gore enuf 4 me. But some parts of d movie freaked me out! LOL. I was screamin in d theatre! Gdness. D part wher d bad guy throw d pick-axe towards d audience.. God dat was d worst!!!! Bt i like d thrill of it!!

After dat, went 2 Fish & Co near Park Mall 2 hv my late dinner wit him. Had seafood platter for 2. Super nice!!! Haha!! Den i tried tequila sunrise n he had lychee martini n Tiger beer. D tequila sunrise tasted bitter sweet. Realli nice! D lychee martini was also nice bt it realli taste super bitter. But its also sweet. Took a cab home after d dinner 2 meet his buddy, munky. Den he walked me home. Aww.. So sweet.. Wat a good companion i hv. LOL!!

I will update d photos soon!! Stay tuned!!!

S.O.S

2009-03-08T00:48:00.002+08:00

Days passed by me juz like dat. Notin special after d outing wit d girls.. Hd a whirlwind relationship with several guys bt stil end up being juz me alone. Deprived of love. Love? Does it even exists in me? Coz i cnt define love. Do any of u noe? Haiz.. I get paranoid easily. I gt stressed easily. Gosh.. Hu wud want me? Im still struggling 2 deal wit tings. Especially my emotions. Its gets d better of me. Its juz so wrong.. I let my emotions overcome me. And wen im calm afterwards, regret overshadows me. Until wen will i b like dis? So sick n tired of it. So exhausted.

S.O.S.. I nid my close frens 2 b ard me 2 motivate me. Bt i cnt seem 2 call out 2 them. The stubbornness in me in holding me back frm getting help frm my frens. The war is btw me, myself. I noe i cn do it. I hv 2 do it. Its 4 my own good. N then evry1 will b pleased wit me.

Loneliness..

2009-02-28T01:09:00.002+08:00

Loneliness. Dats wat i feel rite nw. 1 by 1, ppl i knew are driftin apart from me. Im sad but I cnt do anitin abt it. Juz hv 2 put on a smile n gv them a gd farewell. Cnt believe dat its so fast. Frens come n go juz like dat. Im nt realli dat emotional abt dis coz we cn meet up anitime. Bt its abt wen we cn meet up wen we go our separate ways. Its sumtin dat i ponder on 2dae.

Its like evrydae, after the exams, i wake up, i will sit on my bed, tinkin of wat's happenin 4 me. And then i will face the 4 walls with a toilet bowl nearby and a sink with water flowing from d tap. Brush my teeth n stand under d showers, tinkin of wat i shud do next. Shampoo and soap myself and stand under the showers again and look at the soap run down on my skin. Then i will dry myself up, put on my clothes n face the 4 walls in my bedroom. Then ther will b dis sound that will cover my ears. So lonely.. No message tones. No nudge. Juz silence. So bored of wat i go tru after d exams.

I miss those messages dat i gt frm my gfs, my classmates.. I miss the laughter dat we share. All the stupid tings we used to do. All the silly tings we do on each other. The unity dat we had. All for 1, 1 for all. Will i still c dat wen sch reopens? I juz wonder..

Fucking boring

2009-02-27T01:22:00.004+08:00

Went out to meet sum1 new on Wednesday. Had sumtin like a quick date. And then I was alone. Then I called my buddy 2 come meet me since I haven't been seeing him 4 a few weeks due 2 the exams. Had my first Subway sandwich. Kental to the max. LOL.. I had chicken teriyaki on a 6-inch honey oat, with lettuce and green pepper with mustard and red wine vinaigrette. I dunno wat the hell dat red wine tingy is bt i just feel like tryin it. =) Uber nice despite d mustard overpowering the good taste of the sandwich. I wanna have subway again!! Im so addicted to it!! OOO BOY..

Here's the topic for today: A GIRL DATING SEVERAL GUYS.

Suddenly felt like toking abt my new life nw. Im not bragging abt aniting, but ever since I have long hair, tings change around me. Im sooooo not used to getting attention from guys. LOL.. I admit, I love it. But there are consequences. I end up breaking ppl's heart. I become damn indecisive most of the time. Imagine 2-3 guys asking you out at the same time. OMG. I rejected going out wit all of them. But.. There's only 1 guy that, I dunno, made me want to meet him. Its like Im under a spell. LOL.. My weakness?? Fallin for guys easily. Evry1 who noes me noes dat dat is my weakness. But I hv it all under control. There's sumtin interesting abt dis new guy. I hvnt fall 4 him. Not yet. Too fast 2 go into a relationship anw. Its addictive 2 hear him evry nite. But sadly, after the meet, we dun realli tok dat much. No chats. Just texting. Hmm.. Then I feel dumb. Haha.. No idea why bt dat was wat I felt.

Sum1 is oso silent 4 the whole dae 2dae. I dunno if he was feeling disappointed of me nt being able 2 spend time with him. Haiz.. Bt wateva it is, Im realli sory coz I cnt accompany u 2dae. I went out shopping with my mum.

The dating world is dangerous. Must realli take care of evry1's feelings. Moral of the story: Do not be greedy and date evry1 who is interested in you. Be realistic. Know ur limits. =) Dats wat I learn wen Im dating. I realise dat tiny mistake which will eventually becomes huge if I continue further.

Enuf said. Im already sleepy. Nites humans! Hv a gd rest coz its FRIDAY! Woo! Peace. Nites! Muackz!!

Today is.. Hmm..

2009-02-13T23:46:00.002+08:00

Went to Harry's place to take my watch. I 4gt 2 take it from his desk d other dae. Haha.. Belo me. Watched 300. Had the best morning dis week. LOL.. Wonder wats in store after dis.. Haha.. Sooooooooooooo HAAAPPPYYY. U made my day dear. Even if we are unofficial. And for d first time, he cooked maggi for me. LOL.. Im touched by that. Realli. Thx a lot. Then ard 2.50pm, Kevin and Hafiz arrived at his place to play soccer. I was suppose to study juz now. But i was alone. I end up following the guys. I watched them played soccer from 4 till 6pm. Quite tiring to watch them even wen i already slept at his house earlier.

My heart feels realli uneasy. I have been procrastinating since Tuesday. Didn't study much. Im so dead. Gdness.. Now I feel like i caught a flu. Maybe from d late night sleep for d past few daes.. Sumtin is bothering my mind. D ting is, i dunno where to strt. Argh! Im so so gonna freak out at d last minute. Luckily d exam strts at 4pm. For all three papers. Well, i guess i better continue from where i have stopped yst. LOL.. To my fellow peeps, JIA YOU!!! THREE PAPERS. WORK UR ASS OUT!!! DEN WE CN RELAX FOR A WEEK.. =]

ps. I luv u. I miss u. I luv u. I miss u. I luv u. I miss u. I luv u. I miss u. I luv u. I miss u. I luv u. I miss u. I luv u. I miss u. I luv u. I miss u.

Wat a dae..

2009-02-10T22:34:00.005+08:00

I hd one of the best times yst. Celebrated ah bee's birthday at Pitstop Cafe. The normal cliques came. Haha!! U guys noe who u r! We had loads of fun! With d forfeits n the silly antics we always put up. Makes me laugh wen i tink of it. =) N look who's hvin a new crown.. Haha.. Nicely done Sha!!! N not forgettin Soo who got her tube dress. Looked really good on ya!! Cheers to us girls and guys!! I will let d pics do d tokin. It was a sweet one for me too.. Even if it was for a short while, it's still special.. I wished it was longer though. Haha.. I wud hv been on cloud nine if i got a kiss from him b4 i board the bus home. Soon aite dear. "We r lovers." Haha.. I miss u a lot sia. Im more steady in terms of feelings. I get to control it better and i hv to keep on remindin myself of my mistakes. I must be tinkin rationally. Didn't do dat in the past. I just let my feelings dominate me. Im feeling better nw. Felt like my whole body is cleansed. Well, halfway through. Haha.. OK.. Enuf of the crap. Lets go c d pics!!!! Enjoy ppl!!!!

Nid to start a new beginning

2009-01-31T01:30:00.003+08:00

You know, its really hard for sum1 to get back on track wen he/she is hvin emotional breakdown. And they try to lead a normal life like the rest of the people around them but they falter. They keep on falling, coz no one lend a helping hand to help them get up on their feet. All they do is just criticise and criticise.. until a handful of ppl whom they meet along the way help them get back on track. And what's even weird is dat, they just met. They are amongst the people who give that opportunity for those who suffer, to take the step slowly.

This is wat im experiencing nw. Strangers who turned into frens, help me.. Advise me.. Including the people close to me.. I admit that I was lost after the break up. I made the most regrettable decision. It was so abrupt. I rushed myself. I was stubborn. I keep on doin the same mistake: think wit only the heart. I was so into him. I was in denial of the negative tings dat i do. I was so engrossed to be wit him dat i didnt realise dat MY world was falling down. I feel ashamed of myself for lovin sum1 else n not love myself. Chasing for wat i tink, is a want. But it all comes down to sadness and not happiness. Im glad that i realise it nw. Im so thankful to God even when i didnt pray to Him. And yet, He still takes care of me. The guilt in me for nt praying to Him.. Only You noe hw i feel, Allah..

Im determined to change myself. I wanna open a new chapter. Officially.

And i wanna erase my feelings 4 him. Sometimes, its better to be just the way we are. We both hv shown our true colors. So its enuf 4 me to judge u 4 who u realli are. Guess we end it badly. Both of us leave a bad impression of each other. Me being oh so sensitive and u being oh so harsh. Its good that we both see d mistakes dat we made nw than later.

Its gonna take me months or maybe years to change into a better person.. Its not an overnight ting.. BUT i will try to make a difference soon.

It's too fuckin crazy

2009-01-31T00:47:00.003+08:00

This post is taken out of the blog for explicit content.

Broken Hearted

2009-01-21T14:05:00.005+08:00

I juz blogged about me getting a heart break in the wee hours today. Guess wat? It juz happened. So much of not wanting to hurt me. I dunno how many times i cried over these things. I dunno how many times im heart broken. Its like i will never get to taste the sweet 4 at least a mth or so. Its oni a day. My heart is really crying out 4 sumone 2 save me. its juz 2 painful. i nvr flirt in front of sumone whom i like or love. bt shit happens 2 me. wat is dis?? sorrow really overcomes me. evry path i take is..

S-O-R-R-O-W

Cinta, engkau berpura-pura,

Hadirmu ditemani kecewa..

Lama ku diburu rasa curiga,

Hatiku tidak menerima..

Buah berangan masak nya merah,

Kelekati di dalam perahu..

Luka yang merah nampak berdarah,

Luka di hati siapa yang tahu..

Perasaan tidak seindah bahasa..

(excerpts from Tidak Seindah Bahasa, Imran Ajmain)

Guess who's back??

2009-01-21T02:50:00.002+08:00

Feel like blogging tonight.. I can't crack my brain anymore. Argh!! IP is killing me. I have to wake up early in the morning to do the project.. Haiz.. Sian.. I wanna let out all the feelings in me.

It's been really sweet 2 c sum of my frens being head over heels in love with their partners. I envy that, truthfully.. Haha.. i wanna feel the love, but i don't want 2 commit into sumtin serious yet. How's that? LOL.. I was really glad 2 noe that someone took the initiative to tell me how he feels. Thank you for that.. But for hw long will this last?? I did wait patiently, n will still do dat despite ppl telling me to move on. It's not that i didnt date guys. i did. but 1 ting about me is, wen i alr set eyes on someone way b4 the other guys, i wont let that feeling go to waste unless there are valid reasons of course. I just wanna savour this time. I dunno if i gt 2 meet him again after this sem ends..

watever tings that u told me yst, it really makes me happy. i did see a different side of u. u seldom show it in public. almost never. only pivately. u were jealous of me dating ur fren. haha.. im sorry.. i didnt mean 2 make u feel that way. i miss the private times the most. u gv me the comfort.. the way u showed me u cared 4 me.. u made me feel safe in ur arms. u said that u respect me as ur fren and ur lover and that i hv ur heart. bt i somehow pictured myself being broken hearted. but im looking on the bright side. =) i hope that 1 day, my love will be accepted. Officially.

When can I go 4 a check up??

2009-01-08T23:46:00.002+08:00

I still hvent gt a call frm Starbucks. Trying to get a job. I NEED MONEY!!! I WANNA GO CHECK UP!!! Bt Im oso scared. Haha.. Not ready to face it.. I have been busy for the past few weeks, so I dun realli have the time to go 4 the check up. I told my mum about my condition yesterday. She told me not to stress myself up with things, which was what i have been doin for the past few weeks. Work stress, stress with myself, haiya.. Its never ending..

I have my WPDP nearly done wen my spry accordion panel makes errors.. Haha.. wth.. But tmr is d presentation. Present wat i have to do 4 my website. Im hoping dat itsnt my turn tmr. Haha!! But i will still do it. Just in case.. Hmm.. I better go and do my stuff. GTG!! Ciao!! Nites!!

Even if I hate u, I still care 4 u.. This is me.. Even if you treat me like shit, I will still care for u..

Do not procrastinate!!

2009-01-06T13:14:00.002+08:00

Got back to my senses. Had a goooooooood rest after yst's ordeal. Stupid argument i should say. Damn stupid. PMS. Still need more self reflection. I'm in a daze.. I was talking shit. Poor sum1. So sorry. Got realli carried away. I didnt tink wit my head. I tink wit my heart. All the time. Now I know where my problems lie. I keep on following wat my heart says. My mum already told me not to do that. I was stubborn. Now then I know. Fuckin slow sia Irah. I hope I still have time to achieve what I want.. Actually, more of a need.. My new year's resolutions:
To change to a better person.
Be positive in watever I do.
Think with my brains!!! Not my heart all the time!!!
Stop being too sensitive. (Ppl, Im tryin to change dis.. It takes years 4 me to master dis ok..)
Stop being too influenced by those stupid habits.
And most importantly, I nid to take care of my health. It's deteriorating day by day. Haiz.. Im trying to abstain myself from thinking about it but it just seems to appear in my head. Haiya.. Is this d cause of me being realli hot tempered, very out of place nowadays?

Gosh.. Ok.. Enuf. I will have to achieve all these first.. Then I will put other wishes later. Hmm.. I have to get back to work now.. Gotta finish my WPDP. I will blog again soon.. =) Ciao..

Sad.. Juz Sad..

2009-01-05T23:48:00.004+08:00

This post is being removed for only the heart to know.

Photos!!

2008-12-26T22:32:00.002+08:00

Here are the photos of me and my mates at Botanic Garden on Tuesday! I couldn't gt to upload the rest of the photos coz there will always be an error! Stupid photo uploader!! Argh!! Aniwae, enjoy ppl!!

Nice day.. But a disappointing 1 too..

2008-12-24T00:50:00.002+08:00

Today was super fun! I had presents from the girls!! Thx Sharon, Soo and Bee!! They are lovely!! I brought Roast Chicken, cranberry sauce and Shepherd's Pie. The chicken was cooked well despite my first time tryng the recipe! Woo Hoo!! Haha!! its gooooood.. Thx guys for appreciating my cooking!! It's my favourite pastime!! Sharon's cookies are good too. Very sweet. Kinda remind me of my childhood days.

I reached Botanic Garden later at ard 1+pm. I thought they brought mats. Instead, they used brochures from Botanic Garden!! So funny! There were maps summore!! Gdness!! It realli shocked me but in a funny way.. Ah Bee came later than me and guess what she brought? A pile of brochures! It's a lot!!! People asked her to take a sensible amount, she took like, maybe the whole stack of it from the slot! She was so funny!! I mean, she's being sarcastic indirectly without realising it herself! LOL!!

I was expecting quite a number of people to turn up.. But it was disappointing. It was supposed to be a class outing. But it turned out to be like a clique outing.. Haiz.. But it's ok.. At least I had fun there.. =)

I applied for a job as a barista at Hafiz's working place. The interview was quite intense even though I get to answer the questions that the store manager asked me. It lasted 4 nearly 2 hrs, including waiting for the manager to interview me. I'm hoping that it's worth the time and thoughts! Pray that I will get the job ya! Hehe.. Thx peeps!!

By 7+pm, there were 3 of us left, Ash, Hafiz and me. We went to play pool at Lucky Plaza. It has been a long time since I played pool with them! I still shoot anyhow!! Lol!! I'm learning it bit by bit! Ash took a photo of me playing pool. I will upload the rest of the photos soon too ya!! I'm getting tired alr.. Ciao ppl.. Nites..=)

I think that me and him are not meant to be. No response. Confusion. All adding up to sorrow. Should I wait for a month or two to ensure myself that I still have a chance to win his heart? I need answers. Not silence. Allah, pls help me in this. Show me the way through and guide me to the right person.

What's for Tuesday?

2008-12-22T01:07:00.002+08:00

I had a rather bad day today.. Haha.. So much of someone saying this, "Why is she the one who is always singing? What? There's no one else to sing uh?" FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!! If there is no one else singing except me, why not YOU sing, FAGGOT?! FUCKING STUCK UP!! Like I wanna sing for the whole day! If I have the choice, I wouldn't want to sing for 5 hours!! But coz it's MY JOB! THAT'S WHY?! Kalau handsome tkpe.. Muke da pecah!! Nk comment orang pon tgk uh diri sendiri dulu!! FUCK OFF!!

Luckily I didn't hear that myself. My parents told me after he left his seat near my parents' seats. I was so pissed off. I didn't make a scene there coz I was at someone's wedding. I gotta respect that. I end the day with "Setelah Aku Kau Miliki". I really felt so good when I sang that song. Just feel like making the people there deaf at their ears!! The people there are also the same as the FAGGOT. STUCK UPs!! This will be the first and the last time I'm going to sing for this kind of wedding. The arrogance in the people there.. Two words for these kinds of people: FUCK OFF!

Their attitude really tick people off. Especially when they are quite well-known. Well, they are only known here, not in other countries or wad. Sickening. Like they are the best people and the most handsome ones at the wedding. PUI!! KISS MY BROWN ASS!!

Gosh, I feel good letting it all out..

Hmm.. Tuesday's coming. Sardine sandwich coated in egg? Or Sheperd's Pie? Which one to pick? Haha.. We'll see about that! Gonna go grocery shopping tomorrow! I gtg.. Blog again soon!! Ciao! Nites! Sleep tite! Sweet dreams! Luv Y'ALL!!

ps. Can't wait to see you.. I miss you a lot..

Back to basics..

2008-12-21T00:17:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh.. I'm thankful that I have gone through what I should go through. I'm learning day after day.. Trying to get up on my feet again and I'm achieving it bit by bit.. Thank God for that..

Today was nice.. I sang at Tampines till 6pm. Everyone there was so sweet. I have never had huge support from the public like just now. The best part was when I sang "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston. It's a big ambition for anyone to sing that song coz u nid 2 be very strong in ur vocals. I mean, it's Whitney's song. I'm sure u guys noe her powerhouse vocals. It was the best song for today even if Siti Nurhaliza's songs were a favourite amongst the people there. I will sing it for u guys to hear soon ya.. I met Abang Shahrin n Kak Gee at the wedding. They were filming an Info-Ad drama. It has been like, AGES since I met them. Goodness.. I'm hoping to work with them again! They are the best people to work with!

Tomorrow, I will be singing at Bedok North. I am a busy woman. Haha.. What can I do.. Passion is passion. Nothing can deplete it. Hmm..

People, I just wanna let u noe dat I'm fine now.. Dun worry about my health problems coz I can handle that.. So yea.. I just wanna thank y'all for being such good friends of mine. I realli appreciate that a lot. And.. I miss u guys!! I can't wait for TUESDAY!! Hmm.. What shall I bring? curry puffs? potato only? Or with sardine also? Well, as far as I know, Hafiz will be going to snatch all that!! LOL!! Yea, u heard that rite, Hafiz!! AMIK KAU!! Haha!!

I will stop here for today!! Have a good rest every1!! Nites!! Muah3!! Hugs and kisses for every1!!

I'm back to myself..

2008-12-19T23:47:00.002+08:00

I'm still doing soul searching.. But it's getting better and better.. And I can breathe better nowadays.. It was somewhat very frightening for me this week. Maybe I was under a lot of pressure about my problem that it lead to me having chest pain on Wednesday. I was having dinner with my family.

I had a snack in my right hand at that point in time. Then I suddenly lose my grip on the snack. I mean, how heavy can a snack weigh. Then my mum was teasing me, " U can't even hold the snack properly." Stright away, after that, I felt that sharp pain on my heart. The pain was undescribeable. It happened so fast. When I felt the pain, my head felt super light, like I was on the verge of collapsing. I could see my panicked mum beside me, asking me if I was ok. There was a moment of silence. I told her I felt the pain. This is like, the 3rd or 4th time, I think. I think I should go for a check-up.

Stress really has taken its toll on me. My heart just can't handle the pressure. What I'm afraid of is the worse. I'm not ready to go.. Not so soon. I have so many things to accomplish. I will just pray for the best. For now, I just want to find a job, so that at least I have the money to stand by, just in case I have any emergencies. Nobody knows for sure what it will be..

I'm doin soul searching..

2008-12-18T23:39:00.003+08:00

I feel that.. I'm at the losing end.. I'm letting go of my feelings for the 2 men who came into my life. It's going to be hard for me, but this is the best step to take. I haven't been myself for the past few weeks after the break up. I have been rushing without even noticing it myself! Rushing to be with someone. Afraid that he will go away. Afraid that I will be too late.. But I get entangled in the whole situation instead. I'm here yearning for someone, another person still have hopes for me, hoping that I will come back to him. I'm the one who created the problem, now I can't handle it.. Haiz.. I only have me, to helpmyself to get through these bad dreams.. I hope these are all bad dreams for me..

Help me get through all these.. Only to You that I have faith on.. And only You who knows what's best for me.. Amin..

Having fun!!

2008-12-16T22:25:00.015+08:00

I went shopping with my neh, Sharon, at Orchard. I had loads of fun!! Guess what I had for breakfast?

Major Crush at Slice. Sharon had Puppy Love. She thought that she would liked it, but it didn't turn out well. She felt that sharp n rough feeling on her tongue after a few spoonfuls of it. Ooooohh, I pity her a lot. Haha.. Maybe you should try Summer Fling instead? =P

We went to Taka to see the gifts and there were loads of people. I mean LOADS!!! The place was cramped and u noe, dat feelin of stuffiness.. I was about to pass out. The crowd was overwhelming for me. So Sharon quickly buy her things and we went to Paragon's Toys-R-Us. I was surveying toys for my nephew's upcoming 1st birthday. I felt like it was peanuts to find things for a 1-year-old boy but it's not an easy task. Coz I dunno wat suits him! It will be my first time meeting my nephew face to face this coming Sunday!! Oh My God! We are close in the family tree term but in reality, we are like strangers, believe me.. Sooner or later, everyone is a stranger! Even ur cousins! Well, back to the presents part. I browsed through all the cute toys that I saw on the shelves and I saw a box of miniature band instruments.

I was attracted by dat coz I would love to own 1. Hehe.. Well, wat do u noe, music is in my blood.. It's running through my veins.. Haha!! 1 thing I learnt today: Toys dun come cheap for babies. WTH! Damn expensive! How I wish I still keep my big doll house and just give it to him! LOL! It looked new before I threw it away like, 9 years ago or so? I realli regret dat so much. It's not easy to find the same doll house dat I used to have. It had chandeliers OK! Lighted ones! It's not going to come back anyway..

We went to Gloria Jean's to have a drink before heading back home. We talked about our personal lives.. I'm just going to keep mum about it. Not going to leak out a single information. Period.

I think I will just end here and let u guys c what happened today with me n Sharon! Enjoy! Ciao People!

I miss..

2008-12-12T23:24:00.003+08:00

I was browsing through everyone's blog and.. I chanced upon sharon's blog.. It touched me when I saw pictures of the class. The transformation.. Everyone changed.. And it's just sad to know how long we have left to be together. People say, move on.. And each and every day, I feel like we are not together when we need to. I'm just hoping that we can have that precious time together again.. Laugh together.. I miss those laughter.. It rings in my head when I take a look at the pictures that we took 4 the past 2 years.

Time flies so fast that I just realised we only have around 3 months together.. I do feel sad.. I was hoping that we can still be together even when we do our specialization next year. I will be missing everyone especially someone. I feel like.. I didn't get to spend much time with someone as much as I expected. Regret is what I feel now. I hope I'm not too late to spend every second of my time for someone.. To be commited in a relationship later, I would say yes. But now, it's more about understanding someone. To learn about someone.

I won't give up on that.. Taking one step at a time, for each passing day.. It may take months or years. But I know it's going to be worth it. I just know it.

ps. I finally got ur kiss, dear. I really miss that the most.. muax..

Last paper..

2008-12-11T01:11:00.002+08:00

I will be having my last paper later, in the day.. Thank goodness.. Can't absorb anymore.. Whole day of just studying Sorting.. Now then I understand..

My old illness is coming back again.. Gastric.. How many more coming? Gosh.. I think this is what happen when u don't pray to Him.. I 4get him.. Goodness.. I'm in so much pain already.. First was my right ear, then it's my gastric. Shoot!! It's really killing me!! It comes at the wrong time!! Can it just come after my last paper or sumting?

Had been studying with the guys.. Not bad uh.. Can absorb.. Actually, better.. Coz I get to ask questions.. Rather than I study alone and don't understand a single thing.. Very useful people. Very resourceful.. But at times uh.. They will play games and 4get that they have to do revision. Spoil ur PSP then u noe!! Haha!!

I think I better start on my revision first.. Ciao people!!

ps. I miss ur kiss dear..

Starting all over again..

2008-12-05T17:13:00.001+08:00

I'm starting all over again. All from scratch..

Regret

2008-12-04T21:08:00.002+08:00

How I wish I could turn back the time and take back all the words that I said to him.. What the hell is wrong with me?!

FUCK YOU SHAHIRAH!! YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT!! NEXT TIME, THINK BEFORE YOU SAY IT!!

I think my apologies are not accepted no matter how many times I said sorry to you.. I have nothing else to say.. This time, I really blew it up. I don't know if I still have the chance again.. Even if I cry by myself all my life, I don't care. I just want to be like how we were before, even if it takes me years to win you back.

To Hafiz, I'm sorry if I just walked pass you without even saying a thing when you were clueless about what's going on.

I'm just too distraught right now.

Hopes gone..

2008-12-03T21:55:00.003+08:00

Why? I'm starting to have deep feelings for someone. Why? Even when he treats me like shit. I will stand firm on the ground, and wait patiently. People may say, "Move on.. There are other guys out there." But I don't want to budge. I don't want to. I believe in patience and 1 day, it will pay off. I don't care if it hurts a million times. I'm meant to face all this before I can taste the sweetness of love. It's cutting me deeply, into my veins. Into my heart. Into my soul. I left him because the feelings for that someone grows each and every day, since the day we saw each other. I buried that feeling, thinking that it will fade away. But it crawls out from the grave of my heart.

I don't even think he understands this. There's no communication. Just silence. SILENCE. Silent crush. Silent love. Love? Was love even existing to him? There are no answers to it. Or I'm just too late to win him back. Should I just bury that feeling back into my heart again and not open my heart to him? I'm losing hope. I think I should just close my heart for him. It's too painful to handle. I can't take it anymore.

Superhuman

2008-12-02T23:07:00.002+08:00

I wish I was in this situation..

Weak
I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd I survive when I can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees

But that's the moment u came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible
I see though the me I used to be

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

Strong
Since I've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like I've had it all along
And I can see tomorrow

Where every problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going, gone away
My only weakness is you
Only reason is you
Every minute with you
I can feel like I can do anything
Going going, I'm gone away in love

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human
Super human

Random

2008-12-02T10:29:00.002+08:00

I'm addicted to a song, Decode by Paramore. It's one of the soundtracks for the new movie, Twilight, coming in December 13th. Can't wait to watch it!! All thanks to the Dutch guy whom I met on Tagged. He's super cute!! He's a brunette with blue eyes ok.. Just like what I dreamt of when I was young. Hehe.. But we didn't get to 'meet' online because of the difference in timing. It's 7 hours!! So it's like 5am here and it's 10pm at the Netherlands. Woo!! Damn it.. Wow.. Dutch guy huh..

Not a big deal for me.. Coz I know what I'm capable of!! Haha!! Haiz.. I will wait for someone to talk to me.. I will get to meet him tmr!! I guess.. I have to be patient.. In any ways possible.. I don't know how long but.. Hopefully it will pay off..

My wonderful classmates, I thank you so much for giving me that moral support that I need. I'm taking things slow. I'm not ready to have another serious relationship. Dating is fine for me. Somehow, I'm getting a lil afraid with guys right now after what my ex did to me. He grabbed my arm vigorously while shouting at me in the middle of the shopping centre at Tampines. He was confronting me about the separation. I was just traumatised by it. No one has ever done that to me.

All this while, I have been putting a mask on my face, trying not to show you guys that something happened to me. I just don't want to think about it. I have been having nightmares recently. I want him gone. But I'm just afraid to tell him. And what's worse, I told him to be my close fren.

He did apologise to me after that but I can't forgive him. My dad has never been so rough to me like what he did. Even if my dad is stern, he won't scold someone in public just like that. It's just scary.

Let's not talk about this anymore.. I just want to deplete it from my mind. I will blog again soon. Ciao people..

Love = Patience and understanding

I am..

2008-12-01T23:54:00.001+08:00

Had a mini birthday party juz now.. It was a surprise for Ashraf and Arry.. I didn't look at their faces coz I was too busy being careful for the cake. Haha!! But their birthday was over!! It's more sad for Arry coz only til now, then we celebrate his birthday.. I hope I made him happy.. I shook their hands to wish them.. I was shaking Arry's hand and I didn't realise I called him sumting else. I was so nervous.. I dunno why. It happened so fast. Then I came to my senses. STOP DREAMING SHAHIRAH!!! Gosh, I was embarrassed.

STUPID!! OMG.. Out of the blue, I was back to that emo feelings.. I didn't eat the cake.. That's very stupid. That cake was nice.. What's more, He saved a cake for me and I rejected it. Wah.. Shahirah, YOU have made the biggest mistake. Well, I'm trying to avoid getting strucked by the cupid but this is what happened when you do that..

I think I should just let the feelings flow like a river.. Calmly.. Without obstructions.. Just let it go.. Let it free.. Hopefully it will work for me.. Thanks guys for supporting me morally all the way.. I appreciate it a lot.. Muah! A kiss for each of you.. I will blog again soon.. Ciao People..

Sorrow

2008-11-29T07:48:00.006+08:00

"I try falling out of love, but falling out of love means falling into someone else, and you were the one I tripped for."

I'm just too fragile that I need to avoid love. But is this a wrong move for me?

Dear God.. I want to be that happy-go-lucky girl again.. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be the victim of a heart breaker. I don't want to get entangled in a complicated love. I don't want to fall in love with anyone rite now. I want to lead a normal life as possible. I want to be that lucky girl who deserves everything good. I want to embrace my singlehood.. Yes!! Embrace that!!

I am so... Missing someone..

2008-11-28T14:26:00.002+08:00

I'm in C math tutorial room now.. The test will be later.. But I can't even think straight. Argh! I'm trying not to think of him but.. Haiz.. I have to try.. Come on Shahirah, you can do it.. Can I avoid this love? The love that I have been avoiding for a year.. Only now that it's unbearable.. Why now? Why?? I'm happy that I'm living my own life.. BUT God, Love is killing me slowly. But if I get rejected, I will be hurt. It's like having a knife stuck in the chest. Gosh.. I so want to be loved but that doesn't mean that I want a serious relationship. I want to take it slow. Let nature takes its course..

I'm becoming insane.. In fact, more insane. It's like being casted on a spell.. Oh.. I just don't want to walk through the garden of love. Walking through it will just kill me bit by bit. I want someone but its up to that someone to make the decision. I just pray silently hoping that my broken heart will be mended by him. Haiz.. Millions of sigh and it will not change things. Millions of tears will not change thoughts. Only the heart will understand what it feels like when love is not accepted.

What's wrong with me?

2008-11-27T17:38:00.003+08:00

Is this the price that I have to pay for being head over heels in love with someone? Being stupid, dumb, idiot? In front of someone whom you don't know whether he has feelings for u or not?! What the fuck am I doing? He was looking at you damn it!!

Shit. I don't know how to face this. I don't know why I suddenly get super emotional just now. He was walking right beside me and I pretended not to see him. Shahirah, wake up!! It's a new day!! Start afresh!! Go and have fun! But I am feeling much like a stalker! I feel like I am! Argh!! Gosh.. I don't know why.. Say to yourself, take it slow.. But what if it's fast? Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Control. Control. Control. I felt so loved by him last night. I just can't get it out of my head! It keeps on playing! The smell!! The voice! The stare!! OMG!! This is killing me..

OMG.. I seriously can't forget about it. Everything. Hoping that it will happen again but not too soon!! It will be going fast if it happens today. The atmosphere was just so tender, so erotic, so romantic, so nice. The smell, the touch.. I swear to God it is so difficult to have someone so complete. I'm incomplete. It just hit me. Never once did I ever taste something like this before. I swear to God, I will make his life happy if I have the chance to. Oh, move on Shahirah! He doesn't have feelings for you..

I need..

2008-11-27T13:20:00.003+08:00

I'm outside the lecture theatre. Supposed to have my elective now.. But I'm just so tired. I'm too tired to think. I just want to rest my mind.. I need something, someone.. OMG.. I'm in a daze right now.. I didn't have enough rest.. Super tired. Only 6 hours of sleep. Did the CS project. I did the scripting at 1+am.. did all but the storyline is too long for our presentation. Then I deleted it by accident. I was so sleepy, I pressed ctrl+S. I can't reverse it. WHAT THE FUCK! I'm so freaking pissed!! I got to do only one story. I just finished 3 other stories just now.. But Dan haven't check it yet.. Haha!! dunno what he will say..

Went to the North yesterday.. It was.. Err.. How should I put it.. Sweet?? Hmm.. Good?? Dunno.. Haha.. I would say you are.. good.. Can't really say much la.. This is a public blog.. Haha.. You know what I mean.. I felt very safe when you wrapped your arms around me.. I do.. Truthfully. Thanks for accompanying me..

Phrase of the day is: FUCKED UP.

Blog again soon.. Ciao peeps..

It's Over..

2008-11-26T22:07:00.005+08:00

I had a drama shoot yesterday. The shoot was supposed to start at 3pm. I thought I was late for the shoot, luckily I didn't take a cab to MDIS Unicampus. The school's location is so ULU!! I don't understand why it's there!!!

When I arrived at the set, I didn't see even 1 person that I know. OMFG!! I thought I was left behind. But at least, I saw my primary school friend, Noraini, studying for her exams. So I sat down with her. Unfortunately, I didn't have anyone's number except for the producer's.. So I called Huda Ali to ask her where she was.. She was actually waiting for the crew at the dome. So I brought her to where I was sitting.

She called in the assistant director to ask where they were and he replied that both of us are supposed to report at the set at 4pm. FUCK YOU. We were so fucked up. we ended up waiting for them till 5+pm. After the shoot at MDIS, we headed to House of Sundanese Food at Boat Quay for another scene. We finished at around 12+am. I went home at 1am. Cool right? WTH?!

And another thing, we got $3 each to buy our dinner. WHAT TO EAT SIA LIKE THAT?! U GO ASK UR MOTHER TO EAT LA!!! Damn fucked up with the production!! Payment also must wait between 60-90 days.. Sian..

It was a long day today.. Awww.. So tired.. It's been very confusing for me lately.. It's over between me and him.. There's too many things that happened and the evidence is there. I had confessed everything to him. He can't accept the fact.. I know it's so sudden. I don't know how to react. I'm workin things out with him to be in good terms with each other. I'm stuck in between. That's why I let him go. I don't want to hurt him. That's what I wanted. But he sees it otherwise. He's just too distraught. I think it's better to tell him now than telling him later. I want him to take a breather from the hustle and bustle of life. Thinking of what he had said to me weeks ago, I have considered to go on my separate way. I'm hoping that things will be alright between us..

I know what I'm doing and I know, some of you may think that I'm making the wrong move. I will not regret what I'm doing now. I just want that support from all of you.. To my friends who have been there for me and to you, Ary, Thank you for bring there for me when I'm going through the hard times..

I will blog again soon. Ciao.. Nites..

Fun, Stress, Fun...

2008-11-22T00:12:00.005+08:00

I skipped the last lesson today. I think the whole class did because we have to finish our report by Sunday. Damn this report!! Fuck! Honey wasn't booked out yet, so I joined the guys for company till 9.30pm.

Went to the library with the guys. I had strawberry smoothie on the table, oblivious to the surroundings. I was in the LIBRARY. Rules are set but I'm a rule breaker. Haha!! When the librarian asked me to finish the drink at the cafe or put it at the counter, I was like an ASSHOLE, talking to her while we walk around the library and I was drinking the smoothie, hoping that I would finish the drink!! But I ended up finishing it at the cafe.. Shit..

All the while in the library, I was laughing and laughing and laughing.. The guys really have a bagful of jokes. But all the talks were dirty! Well, it consist of some people like someone trying to be glamorous, about them seeing someone's undies, about voices.. Gosh, if I tell you everything, I will finish typing my blog entry at 4am.

Went to S339. Helped them out with Ubuntu. Hafiz had a HARD time LOGGING IN. It's a pity but funny at the same time because he used the whole row of PCs and all of them didn't work! Haha!! He was so emo juz nw.. I dunno whether I want to laugh or sympathise him. Arry did his but ended up doing the configuration again because he forgotten his password.

He was suppose to go to work at 7pm.. He went off close to 9pm. Such a pity. Wonder if he got scoldings from his manager. Hope his manager will understand the situation. As for HAFIZ, he gets to do it on Monday. Luckily the lecturer gives him another chance. Ashraf, gay and kevin were so hooked with DJ Max on PSP. The game's very engaging but I get bored easily. Haha!! In the lab, while waiting for the configuration to load, Kevin asked Gay to compete with him. But Arry played for Gay. All the while, Kevin thought that it's Gay playing. Haha!! KEVIN LOST BY THE WAY.. Haha.

After the report, we went to the pavement to chat again while the guys smoke. They showed me magic tricks using poker cards. Hafiz's trick didn't work out! WAH, I CAN LAUGH TILL THE NEXT MORNING!! He was so confident about the trick but he TRICKED himself in the end! NOTE TO HAFIZ, please practice more, then you show us ok?

Honey finally arrived at around 9.20pm to fetch me home. When I look at his face, all the negative feelings flew away in the wind. Wonder how he does that.. Hehe.. I really miss him a lot.. I got to express that to him just now.. It felt so good.. It's worth more than money.

I reached home at around 11pm. I'm feeling so shagged right now.. My head keep on thinking of WPDP. Must chop-chop!! But my brain feels like collapsing into a deep sleep. But I want to stay up. Can't make up my mind.. Nvm.. Blog again soon. Ciao People.. Nites.. Muah3..
Somebody said that my honey is so lucky to have me as his gf. Hehe.. Thx dear..

I hate...

2008-11-19T20:07:00.002+08:00

Had school todae.. Damn stressful.. Haiz.. I dunno what to say.. End up staying in school chatting with my girlfriends till 4.30pm at P.608. From people to studies.

I'm disliking some people in the class. I know that people change but it's just too abrupt. Maybe I have to get use to the change? Or shouldn't I?

I find it stupid to have crushes in a relationship. I didn't mean all those things to happen at that time. It's SO wrong! Gosh! Tsk. I better be focusing on Honey and studies. I wanna be loyal to Honey. I have had enough of seeing him suffer because of this. I love him from the bottom of my heart but I had crushes on other guys. Such a fucking unfaithful gerl I am.

But that was way back. Now, I'm simmering down. Moreover, he's in HTA. SO unbearable.. Wanna feel his hug, his kiss.. Aiya.. I'm imagining too much already. Haha!! Eh, I'm not horny OK! Just expressing my love for him!! Haha!!

Ok, I have to go back to work now. Ciao people!!

Finally!!

2008-11-18T21:12:00.004+08:00

I got the Mio service pack today.. How happy I am to have my own broadband.. OMG!! Ok.. Cool down Shahirah.. I will be having tests this week. Plus the report on Web Portal Development Project. Damn it!! Still stuck on page 5!! Well, excluding the cover page and content page. I have to submit it by Sunday! Must chop chop!!

Very stressed!! I'm so gonna get paranoid when I see my dark eye circles again.. Hopefully the whitening face mask works.. This is day 2. I need to use it for 5 consecutive days. Then I can see the slight difference.

I watched Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa with Honey at Lido on Saturday after my shooting.

It was funny but I still think that the first one is better. The funny parts are where the monkeys were passing the wrong messages, the penguins trying to be the saviour for them.. What else.. Oh ya!! There's a part where the the giraffe confessed to the hippo about his feelings when the plane was about to crash on land. But the hippo was sleeping! And also, the lion confessed to the zebra that he broke the zebra's iPod when they were apologising to each other. You should watch the movie. These are only the bits of it!! Go watch!!

Now I need to focus on my studies. Gotta get back to work!!! Ciao People!! Gd Nite!!

Who cares?

2008-11-12T23:00:00.003+08:00

Project reports due in week 6. Fuck. This is week 5. And I'm here still sitting on a comfortable chair like nothing has happened. Fuck. I have to get back to work!!!

Well, as usual, I miss my bf.. This time, I dunno.. I just miss him so much!! I like to bite his shoulder. Haha!! Like a cunning tiger!!! Arrrrrrr!!! Haha!! Until Sharon called me SM. Aiyo!! I'm not like that la!! It's just that I'm very agressive mah.. Hehe.. Don't think dirty uh...

I'm satisfied now. Tension's gone. Ciao people.

Disastrous week!!!

2008-11-05T14:39:00.000+08:00

OH.. MY.. GOODNESS.. I two deaths altogether. Rawaidah's dad's death and Namira's GrandDad's death. My head spinning. No Honey beside me. Haiz. So God damn lucky that my friends are here. Moreover, I'm seriously sick. I have a lot of sins. HAHA.. So naughty uh you, Shahirah. Hehe.. I was having Internet Programming at 11am. The freaking lecturer. Her voice. I feel like I have a loud hailer behind my ears. So FUCKING irritating. She's so impatient.

I'm not prepared for this week. It happened so fast. Projects and tonnes of reports. Can't hold on much longer. Need my bed, need my Honey to sleep with me, need comfort. Ciao peeps. I will blog again soon ya. And I finally subscribed to SingNet Broadband. Then I can't give you guys any excuses already for not blogging. Maybe I shall think of another tactic!! Hehe.. =P See ya!!

Photos!!!

2008-10-07T21:38:00.010+08:00

Here are the nominated photos.. Not!! Haha!! We had loads of fun!! I want this kind of outing again!!! Well, you can see how much fun we had together. And also my stupid faces.. And theirs.. Lol!! All of our silly antics!!! Enjoy!!

There I go, wander off to home!! That's my new bag, by the way.. Haha.. You're such a snob Irah..

I'M AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD!!

2008-10-07T00:12:00.003+08:00

I was supposed to update my blog on Thursday about my outing with the girls!! We went out together to catch up things and catch the movie, My Best Friend's Girl. It's Awesome!! Despite having Dane Cook swearing every other minute!! It's a very good story! It's so touching.. Awwww..

After that, we had a drink at Gloria Jean's. The drink that I had was I think, choco mint.. It tasted just right! I was enjoying every minute with the girls.. I missed them so much!! Can't wait for the BBQ!! ALL thats in my head right now is BBQ.. Haiz.. But nevermind.. It's happening tomorrow! Haha!!!

And last Saturday, my bf and his family came to my house for a hari raya visit. I was so nervous!! He mssaged me in the afternoon to asked me if I will be at home in the evening. So I asked him who he is coimg with and he said he's coming with his family and his father suggested it! Well, of course I told my dad about it and he asked "Is his parents coming to ask for your hands to marry Fadhil?" And he LHAO! Then, he asked me to ask my mum, and guess what, my mum who was lying down behind the carpeted van, asked me to ask my dad for permission!! Well, thanks for helping mum!! Gees.. It was chaotic la!! I was actually freaking out because my parents and his parents have never really talked to each other before! So that day was a D-Day for me!! Luckily they can get along quite well.. Phew.. My mum cooked Black Pepper Spaghetti. Gosh, They loved it!! Tension was gone!! It wasn't a walk in th park for me! It was nerve-wrecking!! Well, what do you expect, I'm meeting my future in-laws.. Haha!!

I will blog again soon about this hot story!! I'm tired.. Good nite my lovely People..

Why am I feelin' so shitty?

2008-09-26T01:56:00.002+08:00

I had a sudden feel of blogging in the wee hours of Thursday.. Why am I so fucking stupid to look at my bf's ex's profile.. I even had the guts to actually check each and every thing in my bf's profile. AND that photo. Ok, maybe I'm over-reacting with all these, I juzt don't know why the HELL I go see that freaking photo in his profile!!! What? I'm being suspicious of that fucking photo?! I admit that I'm fucking jealous.. How would you feel if ur partner still has a photo of him/her and their ex together in the profile? It just pissed me off. I feel hurt. I feel like I'm not good enough for him. I feel like I have the need to have the same body frame as him so that he won't be feeling weird walking beside a hippo like me. I feel the sense of need to change how I speak, how I dress, just to impress him! That's how stressed I am!

All the images of him embarrassed by the way I look keeps appearing in my mind. I just want to lose as much weight as possible. When I told him the other day that I want to lose weight till I'm 40kg, he said that that's good, that's ok. I was testing him to see if he would say that I shouldn't lose that much.. But he likes it! That was when I felt like I didn't fit to be his gf. That's hw I felt, truthfully. Now, I'm still stuck at 52kg. I want to at least be within the 40s mark.

I seriously feel that everything about me, inside out, is not enough. And there's another thing. I remembered what we wished for. He wished for me to be tall, not short like now.. Only God Almighty can give him that miracle! I don't know what to do. I'm not the most beautiful person he has ever met, neither am I the one who owned the most voluptious figure. I'm just hoping for a miracle. A MIRACLE THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL AT EASE ABOUT WHAT AND WHO I AM NOW.

I feel goooooooooooood!!!

2008-09-24T16:53:00.002+08:00

I had iftar with my former secondary school clasmates yesterday at Spize @ Simpang Bedok! Oh my god. It's been a long time and everyone changed! Gosh.. There were 12 of us, i think. Haha! Wait, let me see.. There's me, Fid, Roda, Wana, Fina, Mira, Sya, Hadi, Don, Azim, Wan.. Ok, so it's 11. LoL!

The girls waited for dorky Hadi for nearly two freakin' hours! Lambat nak mampos! WTH! Pompan pakai make up pon tk selambat kau ok! We also met Iza along the way! I was so surprised to see her that I swiftly walk towards her and hugged her! We didn't meet for quite a while.. So missin ya girl!

We reached there around 6.30pm.. So damn late because of that someone!

We had prawn omellette, BBQ Stingray, balck pepper chix and this crispy baby squid. It's superb!! One of the best dishes I have ever eaten! U guys shud try!!

After that, we went to Changi Airport T3 to catch things up. We had a great time, especially when Hadi's there. He's a joker! LOVE his silly antics! If only we cud talk for hours but it was getting late! I reached home at around 11pm.

My bf called me when I was still at T3. This was the conversation that we had:

Bf: Dear, where r u nw?
Me: Im still at T3 honey. Y?
Bf: Then what time are u going home? Does ur parents know ur going home late?
Me: Yea, of course. They know who Im goin out with.
Bf: Oh.. When u go out with me, u must go home early. And when u go out with ur friends, u can go home late uh.. Hehehe..
Me: Im sorry but I haven't been seeing them for nearly a year. So this is the only time where I get to meet them so I use this time preciously..
Bf: Oh, its ok dear.. So long as u will be back at home safely. Go home together with ur frens alr..

I was actually laughing at what he said to me. But its true, don't u think so? When ur out with ur friends, u tend to get home later than usual. But when ur wit ur bf/gf, ur always punctual! Haha! Am I right? Maybe it's because u go out with ur friends, girls and boys.. and when ur with ur bf/gf, u will be home asap. Coz ur afraid ur parents will be worried about u or maybe get u grounded from going out with ur bf/gf again. Be in twos and be in groups are different! So keep that in mind ya! Anyway, it's much safer to be in groups..
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This is for Fid, upload the pix yaw!! send it to me asap!!
I wanna put it in my blog!!!
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Shahirah, signing off. Ciao!!!!

Today.. Nothing much..

2008-09-15T15:30:00.003+08:00

Today, I was suppose to bake cookies but my godmum's maid said I don't need to come.. Which was good. I won't have backaches anymore. I personally love baking. Be it cakes or cookies. I won't get tired of it!! It's in the genes, baby! My grandmother loooooooves cooking and baking. Maybe I inherit that from her? I don't know.. It's that sense of satisfaction in ur heart and the joy that baking and cooking bring.. It's hard for me to describe but once you u get the hang of it, u will get what i mean.

Hari raya is in 2 weeks time and my house is like a wreck!! well, not exactly.. Haha!! I need to dust off all the furniture, get the curtains up.. Luckily I already got my costume. This year, it's maroon. It's kebaya. Not the nyonya kind.. I don't have the gut to wear nyonya kebaya. I think it doesn't fit me, though I have the figure(wee weeeeet!).. Lol!! I think people are already cursing me for that statement!

And people, DON'T FORGET!! MY COMPETITION IS ON THE 27TH
SEPTEMBER!!

YUP YUP, 27TH SEPTEMBER!!

TEENAGE ICON SEMI-FINALS!!

3PM!!

AT HEEREN!!

PLEASE COME AND SUPPORT ME!!

AND IT'S ON MY BIRTHDAY, SO UR SUPPORT IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT...

Ok, enough said.. If you guys are still blur about this, you can buy the TEENAGE magazine. I will be featured with 23 other contestants in the OCTOBER issue!!

I'm just gonna keep things short..

2008-09-09T00:30:00.002+08:00

Walaupun langit pada malam itu
Bermandikan cahaya bintang
Bulan pun bersinar betapa indahnya
Namun menambah kepedihan

Ku akan pergi meninggalkan dirimu
Menyusuri liku hidupku
Janganlah kau bimbang dan janganlah kau ragu
Berikanlah senyuman padaku...

Selamat tinggal kasih sampai kita jumpa lagi
Aku pergi...Takkan lama..
Hanya sekejap saja ku akan kembali lagi
Asalkan engkau tetap menanti

These are lyrics from an Indonesian hit song 'Pergi Untuk Kembali' by a cute guy named Ello. The name already speaks for himself. I'm sure he wants me to be like what the lyrics say..

I'm really gonna miss him.. I can't hold my tears any longer.. He's going.. In 8 hours time.. I LOVE YOU HONEY!!! =_(

SeLaMaT bErPuAsA!!

2008-09-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

To my Muslim friends, Selamat berpuasa ya.. Jgn nk puase yok-yok lak.. Hahaha!!
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Anyway, my exams' are over so now, I can relax!! Luckily it's during the fasting month. And, I'm going to get my hands on baking!! So happy to do so!!!
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But then, my boyfriend is going for NS in 8 days time... Haiz.. I'm going to miss you, honey!! Sob sob.. My eyes are swelling.. I can cry buckets of tears.. But it won't change the situation..
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I love you honey.. I will miss you honey.. I can't wait for you to finish your NS!! I just wanna be with you forever.. Forever, honey..
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To my Primary and Secondary school friends, when are we going to break fast together?? Text me ya!! Don't forget about me!!
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To my NYP friends, I miss you guys loads!! Meet up when school re-opens ya!!

These are the days...

2008-08-15T23:57:00.009+08:00

God, how I wish I can have all the time for shopping.. Sigh.. I want to get over and done with my diploma and start saving money for my future plan that is...

Opening a bridal website.. At least I have backup plans!!

I can't rely on singing and acting all the time..

By the way, tomorrow is the preview for TKC Idol.. I wonder why I entered the competition..

Anyway, it will start at 4pm!!!

The genre is Pop Yeh Yeh or Traditional.. I'm bringing Nirmala by Siti Nurhaliza so wish me luck!! =P

27th Sept will be the semi finals for Teenage Icon!!

I will be bringing Lithium by Evanescence... I WANNA ROCK!!! But it's more to goth music which I like..

I want to share all the sweet moments I have with my BF. It was on our 7th month and his 19th birthday(Dah tua lah my baby! LOL!!).

Us at Swensen's. I hate that look!

This is the black pepper pasta. Super spicy. super nice. Worth your money..

This is what he ate for his birthday, baked pasta. It's too creamy. Makes you go 'jees'.. So jelak.. And guess what I bought for his present?

A Braun Shaver. I didn't mean to insult him but the thing about him is, he's afraid to shave properly. The reason: His skin will get bruises. Honey, you're a man.. You are MY man, so please, be brave.. If not, then why do you have balls? HAHAHAHA!!! I'm so EVIL!! I'm gonna be dead if he reads this.

I put it in a hexagon-shaped blue box with a brown satin ribbon. Inside was full of paper strips. LOADS OF IT!! He didn't get to buy me anything but it's alright.. All I wanted is him. He is the best gift that I have. He's going to serve te country in September.. Sob sob.. =( Aiya, he will be posted to the Police Academy at Choa Chu Kang. So, I don't really feel the emptiness in my heart.. Oh Honey.. So dramatic..

Till then, Iwill blog again soon about my shoot where I acted as a pregnant girl who got pregnant out of wedlock. Directed by Fizah Nizam. It's the 8 Minute Youth Filming Festival. Hopefully her dream will come true. Coz I cried a lot ok!! Not an easy job but love it a lot. Ciao!!

Relax.. I'm trying..

2008-07-14T14:47:00.005+08:00

Sorry people.. I didn't blog for quite awhile.. HAHA!!

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I know, the same old excuse.. B.U.S.Y.

I don't have internet at home til now!!

haiz..

I will really try alright..

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For the last four days, I worked with Honey and Family at Expo.

It was very tiring but I enjoyed it because I thought of owning a bridal shop one day..

But for now, I'm promoting wedding decor. You can go to http://www.uniqtouch.multiply.com/ to see the decor or http://www.lubhannabrides.multiply.com/ to see the collection of wedding costumes.

Honey's birthday is coming soon and I haven't order anything for him!! No idea of sorts..

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Suggestions!!

Anyone!!

Drop in your comments at my tagboard ya!!

I REALLY NEED IT!!

I want to find the best halal cake in Singapore. I find it very hard to find it online..

Help me out ya..

Nice cupcakes, isn't it?

Unfortunately, the person can't accept the order. Only after 1st August. Damn it!!

I'm so dead..

2008-05-15T10:26:00.006+08:00

Okay, now I have to multi-task. Well, I have been doing this since the day I was born.. Haha! I have studies, plus teenage icon.. And also my CCA.. External work.. So many things.. My schedule is super tight!! HAIYO! All I can do is laugh.. Relieves stress right!! Im happy with what I'm doing. Just 1 disadvantage: Minimal time to meet friends. Haiz.. Nevermind.. I want to slow down on my external work.. I don't mind if it's on weekends.. I can't afford to always go for performance on weekdays. I don't want to miss any classes. I want no interferance for weekdays. Except for this week and next week, I won't get to be in class because of Grad Ceremony. After this, I'm going to go back to class and study!! Do not interfere in my studies!! Alright, enough said. I want to focus on the lecture now. Bye!! Miss you guys loads!! Miss Honey loads!! Muax1000!!!

Felicia's Note: "I Love Irah!!!"

I'm missing you..

2008-05-12T15:19:00.003+08:00

I'm just missing you a lot, Honey.. I know I'm being selfish.. I am selfish! I just want you!! You!! You!! Haiz.. I think I should just.. I don't know.. I'm just an asshole.. It's no use crying.. You don't like me crying.. I abide to that.. I just keep all the feelings in me.. =(

The Photos!!!

2008-05-08T10:33:00.009+08:00

This photo was taken on April 8, 2008. It was after the 1st day of OGL orientation. Super tired but because I was invited and I was freaking hungry, I went there. Haha!! In the end, I ate little because I sang a couple of songs there. I was at a wrap up party for MENTARI and CMYK. The fellow actors and actresses were there, not forgetting Syed Azmir. He looked so tired that night. Well, he sure do work hard for his album! That cute girl is Abang Shahrin's daughter. Iman Qistina Putri.. I think that's how her name is spelt!! Haha!! She really look like Abang Shahrin! I was actually feeding her because she was hungry.. So sweet.. Hehe.. I went to the party with Honey.. The place was so deep inside! It was at pasir ris! So just imagine both of us walking in the dark.. I will never forget that day.. So spooky..
This is the guy who acted as 'L'. Look a lil bit like 'L' lah.. But not the same.. Lol!! My dear Sharon neh neh.. Lol!!! She got humongous boobs!!! Hahaha!! Tell you, she got nice figure!! HAHA!! Hey, I'm not thinking dirty okay.. I'm straight! The girls in my class like to tease her, you see.. Hehe.. Enough of the crap Shahirah..

This is the class that I was in charge of.. Bonding man.. Really can bond with them.. I really hope to see them soon.. Miss them so much.. Hmm.. Nevermind.. I GTG.. Upload more photos soon ya!! Bye!!

What's wrong with me?

2008-05-05T17:33:00.002+08:00

Everything is taking its toll on me.. First, it was no-communication with some people. Next, I dropped my wedges. Now, I'm all alone here whereas the rest went don't know where.. Gosh.. I don't blame anyone for this but it's just so strange. I feel like I'm Da BIGGEST ASSHOLE in this world.. lol.. Confusion hits BIG TIME!! Damn it! I hate that feeling.. I just want to go somewhere to have peace in my fragile mind.

Come on, can't we just shake hands and be friends like before? If I hurt your feelings, I'm deeply sorry. What more do you want? Haiz.. Maybe I'm just too sensitive sometimes. It's true what my mum and Honey said the other time. I'm just too sensitive. I want to change. I'm trying my very best. Give me time to sort out everything. This year is a hectic one for me. I just have to let go some things so that I can have time for everyone. I'm hoping that you guys understand. If I'm not going out with my mum or Honey, I will make time for you guys, alright? I can't promise anything but I will try..

Honey will be doing his NS this year. Sob2.. But dunno what he's going to get.. I'm hoping that he gets civil defense or police.. Hehe.. He's too skinny lah.. I want him to build muscles! But no matter what Honey, I still love you like I did yesterday.. Haha!! Muax1000!!!! Love you loads Honey!!

Labour Day!!

2008-05-02T14:09:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was Labour Day.. Kinda fun for me because I got to shop!!! It has been a while.. Really.. Gosh, my dad bought this unique chair from IKEA for only $119! The usual price was $149-$169. He wanted to buy the chair months ago until yesterday. Lucky for him, he just got his pay. The whole family went out for breakfast at Tampines and off to EXPO and Tampines retail park. The METRO EXPO sale was alright.. The things are still the same.. You guys should go there in the morning. There are not many people there. The apparels are cheap.. Shoes are like.. I think you should buy shoes.. Hahaha!!! Most of it are cheap!! Quite a lot of stuff that you can buy!! The sale ends on 4th May!!! Then I went to Tampines Retail Park. There were loads of people coming in and out of Courts, IKEA and Giant. I suddenly felt like I was in Serangoon or Orchard.. Hehe..

I'm just FUCKED UP with some of the guys in class.. I NEED PRIVACY!!!!! WHICH PART OF THIS SENTENCE DO YOU GUYS NOT UNDERSTAND!!! Please respect me. I respect you guys a lot, alright. God..

Tomorrow's our 4th month!!! Yay!! Luf ya honey!! Muax!

2008-04-24T12:57:00.002+08:00

I dunno why I'm becoming so sensitive.. I mean, is love making me so sensitive, even the simplest things? Frankly speaking, I cried a lot.. A LOT.. Fadhil and I can cry forever.. We do quarrel.. Who says our relationship is stress-free? We have ups and downs.. I'm grateful for that.. Just don't repeat the mistakes.. Hehe.. I'm not saying that I like to quarrel with him but if our relationship is 100% fairy tale, it is as good as saying we have no life. Haha! No, really.. We need that little bit of spice in our relationship. That will balance our relationship. Now that's a real relationship. Tomorrow's gonna be the 4th month. Time's really flying fast.. I felt like it's only the first day of our relationship. I can guarantee that I will be with him for long.. my past relationships weren't good. When I was with them, I know that I won't last long with them. The longest was only 8 months. I didn't have that extraordinary feeling. But dis one is like.. It's that magical feeling whenever I see Fadhil. I feel so connected, so all over him.. It's as though the pupils of my eyes turned into a shape of a heart.

Okay, some may say that it is easy to say all these. But I will prove to everyone that I'm going to be with him for long. I have known him since PRIMARY school, people.. I hate it when people are telling me, " Hey, who knows, you might like someone else?" They are guys.. Pardon me, are you guys trying to tell me that I'm a bitch?! What an ass.. Can't see me happy with the person who stole my heart, huh? Come on.. Be happy for me.. I'm doing well in my studies and my career. Trust me, I can cope with it.. =) Anyway, I will be auditioning for Teenage Icon 2008. I don't know when it will be held. Hehe.. I will update you guys again ya.. Support me ok? I have to go now.. Bye!!

So Sorry...

2008-04-18T09:32:00.001+08:00

I'm so sorry guys... I don't have internet access at home for now.. So I have a problem with updating my blog... With the busy schedule, it's crazy... Moreover, I'm in year 2... I'm prepared for the stress... I deserved that coz I took things lightly in year 1. Haiz... Stupid right? Tau tkpe... Last week was superbly tiring.. Being an Orientation Group Leader(OGL)... I don't mean to be rude but it sucks... It's not because of the freshies.. It's more of the people in charge, some of them... If you want to give remarks to someone, please use proper VOCABULARY... Seriously I, as an OGL, I felt offended about it even if the person is passing remarks at someone else.. There's no need to use vulgarities.. So uncivilised... No brainer.. It just shows that your vocab is not wide enough. Talk like as though you are some hooligan. Hello... YOU are an OGL. SO YOU SHOULD SPEAK LIKE 1 DAMN IT!!! There's no way I'm going to be an OGL again. Bottom line is, don't mix work stress and relationship stress TOGETHER. But thanks to my frens and bf, they made my day. We went out on Friday. Had dinner at Swenson's (Thanks Harry and Hafiz! When do you guys want your money?) and went to Esplanade to chill...

And now, in the lab, getting ready to go to the booth near the Sports Hall, promoting L'Hexagone French Club. I will try to blog again for often ya.. Hehe.. I will upload the photos and a video of myself performing soon.. Ciao!

Time flies really fast...

2008-01-22T15:35:00.000+08:00

Damn! I have 1 project left and I haven't complete it! Java sucks to the core!! Hate it you know!! Haiz.. I have two more years to finish this course and I badly want to further my studies at NIE. I want to be a teacher! Gonna study hard and get what I want!

Anyway, my former school will be holding a concert at Singapore Conference Hall on 29 Jan. I will be going with my honey and my best friend!! So excited to see everyone there, especially my 5D and 4G classmates! Miss them loads...

Exams coming! It will end on Feb 27. Can't afford to fail any module.. After that... we can party!! My class is having chalet from 3 - 5 March. Too bad honey must stay at home.. Hahax!! But you can still go there to meet me honey, just that you can't sleepover with me..

Each passing day is sweet and wonderful with you honey... I have never felt love so pure as this.. Thank you honey for lighting up my life.. =)

ps./ I love you loads, honey!

A new day ahead of me...

2008-01-03T10:33:00.000+08:00

I'm happy and grateful with what I have now. My career, my studies, my family, my friends and my boyfriend. I'm going to stay with him for long... I'm hoping for that because this is my true love.. And I'm not going to let him go.. Love you lots honey.. Muackz.. =)

B.U.S.Y.

2007-11-28T11:21:00.000+08:00

I'm very busy for the past few weeks. Performance after performance. I don't think much about the performances I have because I don't want all that to affect my studies. Still, I procrastinate. I'm starting my old habit of watching movies almost every week. I have the urge to watch a movie once a week. In school, it's MSN that distracts me most. I don't even care about the surroundings. I can even walk while chatting. This just have to stop. At home, I always have late night chat with a friend. Carik masalah kan? Haha! I just want to recap on our primary school days. Eventually our friendship became strong till now. I would say that I'm happy now. I like the way I live my life. I just need to focus more on my studies and get over and done with my performances. I think I can settle myself after that. I still love my best friends, my good friends.. Just that I just met my friend whom I didn't talk to for more than 5 years. I apologise to those who wants to go out with me this month. I promise to go out with you guys this December! I gtg... Got lessons now.. Luv you guys! And Fadhil, thank you for waking me up. =)

New update!!!

2007-11-13T13:06:00.001+08:00

People!!!! The Info-ad Drama series, MENTARI, will be on the 22nd November at 9pm. Had voice over done last night. I should arrived there around 6.30pm but arrived there at 8pm. WTH!! I met Sanif Olek, Abang Shahrin and Kak Gee there. Miss them lots! Reminded me of my shooting days! Haha! Abang Shahrin told me that they wil be having a press conference at The Arts House on Tuesday, 20 November at 4pm. They will show the reporters the first episode of the series which I'm one of the main actress. I'm feeling nervous about the comments they will say because I'm an amateur. So wish me luck ya!

MENTARI

2007-11-12T11:08:00.000+08:00

PEEEEEPPPOOOOOOLLLLL!!! The Info-ad show is on the 22nd November, not 15th November.. The time, I have no idea! Haha! Just wait for the advertisement ya!

Hail Cradle!!!

2007-11-12T10:30:00.000+08:00

I went to Esplanade @ Concourse with Amir and Kamsani to watch Cradle. Let me tell you something. If Cradle is doing performances, go watch them. You will be satisfied with the professionalism and the showmanship. It was superb! It has been at least 5 months since I last saw Abang Addy. He's a freaking good guitarist you know! I was damn happy to see him! Ahhhh! Hahaha!!! We shared loads of stories! Only God knows how much I missed them so much. I met Cip Paat(Rafaat Hamzah) and his Wife, Kak Zizah, when I was going home from Esplanade. I wil be having a voice over recording today after 5pm. It's going to be a tiring day today!

Cradle performed 'Ayu', 'Ceritera Awan dan Banjaran' and 'Sementara' to name some of them. Go to www.myspace.com/cradle7 for more details about the band! Man Toyak, I salute you, man! Your vocals are so good! Fazli, the drummer, you inspire me to be a model! Haha! He's very good looking you know and of course, he's a model! A REAL model.. It's a bonus to Cradle (That's what Abg Addy said to me!)! To Faizal a.k.a Mr Cool, the bassist, you looked so cool! Abg Addy, the lead guitarist, you are an icon to young people who wants to be a good guitarist! You people are ultra-talented! Not forgetting my Cikgu, CG Karmin, who has contributed beautiful lyrics to the album. You are my best mentor!

These people have inspired me to be a better person. I learn a lot of things from you guys about the obstacles in the entertainment industry. How you tackle the crowd and how I should entertain the audience. You guys ROCK!!!!

Start afresh

2007-11-06T10:35:00.000+08:00

I'm starting afresh. Forget him and move on. Nothing is good for me. This is what I have to go through before I can taste the sweetness of a relationship. Even if I'm still in a confused state, I'm optimistic about it. It makes me stronger. It's another lesson learnt. Just let it fade... Hopefully fade as soon as possible...

p/s. Thank you for being my listening ear. I really appreciate that. =)

Wish you were here beside me...

2007-11-01T09:17:00.000+08:00

I miss you... A lot... I wonder, do I make you happy?, do I fulfil your every wish?, do I make your day? All these linger in my mind every passing day.. And I wonder if you are thinking of me.. Don't want to rush anyone, even myself. I just follow your steps. I don't know why I can't let you go.. I have never felt that kind of love before.. From the bottom of my heart, I wish I can win your heart back..

p/s. I love you from the bottom of my heart... And I will never give up to win your heart back...

A Second Chance

2007-10-30T15:31:00.000+08:00

I went out with prince charming yesterday... Met him at Yio Chu Kang MRT.. I felt like crying but I held back my tears.. By the time we reached Marina Square, tears ran down like waterfall. I just can't leave him. Seriously, of all the guys I have dated, he outstands them all. He asked me, "Do you really love me?" I said yes.. Then, he asked, "Why do you love me?" and "We got to know each other only last week, how can you fall for me?" I told him about my past. I hope he understood what I meant. He's just so special.

We may not know each other well now but I am determine that I can learn about him. I have to win his heart back.. All I have with me is integrity, patience and trust. I'm just being myself. Hopefully he is also learning about me.. We are still in the relationship, just that we are taking it slow. It was my mistake. If I hadn't done it, our relationship will be sailing smoothly already... I will keep on praying that my relationship with him will last.. Forever.... I will never stop praying.. Wherever I am.. Everything happens for a reason... Even if I'm crying in my heart, nobody knows... I may be crying because I'm happy that he has decided to give me a chance. I swear I will never do that. I seriously hate to do that.. Because I have pride. I respect myself. But I may be crying because I'm upset with myself for what I have done... Now, I'm going to start afresh with him...

Yesterday, we end up cuddling each other. I felt safe when I'm with him.. That's why I love him so much... It's so cosy to have him around... He went berserk yesterday.. I got to see the crazy side of him.. He cracked me up! He teased me from Marina Square till he sent me home.. 'Penat badan I tau...' Haha... I'm really going to take this really slowly... I mean super slow... Damn super slow... I have to go.. Lesson's starting... Ciao...

p/s. I love you from the bottom of my heart.. That's why I'm taking it slow...

Please don't leave me...

2007-10-28T19:27:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's going to happened to our relationship. I'm really lost for words.. I have been crying since last night. Couldn't control the tears when the person who said that he loves you suddenly turned fickled minded. It's all about the incident that we went through on our first date.. Baby, I know you are shocked but u could at least tell me that you didn't like it what I did. We are into this relationship for only 4 days and things turned for the worse for me. This is the second time I'm hurt. God really test me whether I'm patient with all these incident keep coming to me.

"Aku insaf, ya Allah! Aku insaf.. Aku sujud kepadaMu. Aku memohon kepadaMu. Berikanlah aku peluang sekali lagi untuk bersama dengan Saiful.. Aku ingin dia membimbingku kerana aku dapat rasakan yang dia boleh menjaga aku... Ku pohon kepadaMu, ya Allah! Tenangkanlah fikiranku, tenangkanlah hatiku yang sering risaukan keadaan Saiful... Aku sangat berharap Kau dapat memberiku peluang itu... Amin... Itu yang aku harapkan..." I'm not a bitch... I know I'm not... I hope you are reading this, b... So that you know how I feel...

I'm on cloud nine!

2007-10-26T11:39:00.000+08:00

I met prince charming yesterday at Yio Chu Kang MRT Station around 5.15pm. From there, we went straight for Marina Square to have our dinner. He didn't eat for the whole afternoon, I think. Because he told me that he was very hungry.Haha! Poor thing, baby... He had nasi lemak and I had mee rebus for dinner. In the end I couldn't finish my food. He happily finished his meal. He looked so sweet when he's eating. That's what I notice about him. While eating, we shared the memories we had during our primary school days.

We went to Esplanade in the evening to watch a performance but we were early there. So we sat down near the river, admiring the scenery. Suddenly he wrapped his arms around me. It was the best feeling I have ever had. I have never felt that kind of vibe from a guy. I could feel that he really loves me. We talked and watched Russell Peters on my laptop. It was after the show that he said to me, "Today is the 25th. Nice date right? So I want to ask you, will you be my girlfriend?" I knew it was coming. Of course I told him Yes! He looked at me and kissed me.. We missed the show but I didn't care.

We went to Central after that. That was my first time going to Central. Everyone was talking about it and I don't want to feel left out. So I asked him to take me there. We went home around 11pm yesterday. Long day but it was satisfying.. Thanks baby..

I didn't know that he is a left hander like me. It was purely by coincidence.. We have a lot of things in common. So it's not surprising that I'm with him now.. Haha! God, I miss his kiss.. I have to go. I have lessons now. I will blog soon. Ciao!

Thank God I Found You

2007-10-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

I will be going out with that special someone deep in my heart.. I can't wait to see him! I've been having sleepless nights because I keep on thinking about him. Since the first day we met, I knew he had set his eyes on me.. Instincts say so.. We were sticking like glue.. Till today, he still messages me till late.. We didn't want to go to bed even though we have lessons the next morning.. Maybe we just love each other too much? Haha.. I have been missing him since Saturday.. I just love his presence.. I love you and I love you.. I don't think I can stop saying that..

To my prince charming, I think God has answered my prayers.. I got someone who is a gentleman.. That's what I wanted all my life.. You light up my life. Of all the people I have dated, you just outshine them all.. I really love you.. Even if you have flaws, you are a perfect boyfriend in my eyes and in my heart..

It was Da Best dae ever!

2007-10-22T10:21:00.000+08:00

Went out with my primary school schoolmates on Saturday! All of them looked different! Had the best day of my life... We went to nine houses and ended up at home around 12 am.. Lepak giler... But seriously it was fun. We shared all the memories.. Bitter, sweet, sad, happy all came together... Joked around till we cry. I even had gastritis and tonsilitis after that. But it was worth it. I have always wanted a reunion with my primary school schoolmates. It took me 4 years to do this.. That's because of the commitments that I had 4 years ago. 2 funny incident happened when we meet on that day. I saw this particular guy standing beside me. I gave him a weird look and asked, "Who are you?" He gave me that "u-don't-know-me?!" look and said, "Saiful la.." I didn't recognise Saiful at all. He used to be the nerd in school. He changed totally.. He is every girl's dream guy. Amongst all the guys in the group, he is the gentleman.. That's what I think.

The joke of that day was the cookie jar at Tuty's house. If you've been to Ikea, you may have seen a big glass jar. She had each type of cookie in the big jar! Anwar made fun of it! He was laughing his ass off while saying, "Ni betol-betol peh bahase sak! Korang pegi lantak ah sampai habis!" Namira burst out laughing like a horse(That's what Iskandar said, ok.. Not me!)! I laughed because of the joke and the way Namira laughes! You should listen to her laughter! I should have recorded that! Wish I could turn back the time and live that day forever.. All the laughter... I will miss those most...

I think there's something wrong with me.. I decided to keep my feelings as a secret to someone.. When the time is right, I will tell you... It's too early if I tell you now.. I had butterflies in my stomach when I talked to you.. I knew why but I always denied it. Sholud I give that someone a chance? I'm hoping that cupid can help me in this situation...

I'm back!

2007-10-18T11:33:00.000+08:00

It's been more than a month. And now I'm back! Haha! I want to wish all Muslims Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! Do forgive me for all my wrong doings.. Kalau aku terkasar bahase, tersinggungkan hati korang, maafkan aku ye..Hehe..

Anyways, I got to contact my primary school friends! I was on cloud nine! I miss them so much! I love u guys! It's been 4 long years you know! We will be meeting this Saturday for Hari Raya.. Hopefully most of them can make it..

This semester is going to be a tough one for me. Almost all the modules are tough. I seriously need help... God, save me.. HAHA! I know I will survive! I have to go now.. Class is starting soon.. I will blog tomorrow if I have the time ya! Ciao!

That felt so good!

2007-09-29T05:02:00.000+08:00

I had been busy for the past few days.. I learnt a lot from what I did for the past few days.. Patience and perseverance are the keys to success in the entertainment industry. I had to go for a 3-day shooting at Bukit Batok. It's about family abuse. Sanif Olek was the director.. Rafaat Hamzah was the script writer.. Abg Shahrin was the producer.. I was acting as Nadia. I was acting alongside Feerdaus, Salina Salim and Syaqila who's acting as my small sister. It was exciting and fun! I love it!U guys do watch the episode on Suria on the 15th November. I don't know what time it will start. So do watch the show and give me your feedback! Thanks ya!

Will be away for a while

2007-09-16T21:01:00.000+08:00

I have been very busy lately, so I won't be available for this whole fasting month.. I will blog soon. If it's urgent, call or msg me ya! =p

NO to SEX!

2007-09-05T18:31:00.000+08:00

Today's a boring day. I studied the highway code but got bored of that after 10 minutes. Damn all these rules! Then, I decided to train my vocals instead. I have to practice for Friday's performance at ITE Yishun. I don't know how it's going to be like.

I have been doing the ITE road shows with my friends and Abang Shahrin at ITE Tampines, ITE Ang Mo Kio, ITE Bedok and ITE Bishan. It was tough at first because we have never perform for ITE students before. It was a great experience for me as I learn how to tackle with different audience. It was a challenge for us all involved in this road show because this road show is about issues faced by the Malay/Muslims in Singapore. Most of the issues we touched on are very sensitive.

The message that we are trying to convey is that say 'NO' to sex! So those who have been doing this activity for a long time, please stop it before it gets worse. Gejala ini tak boleh diambil dengan ringan. So cooperate with the society, alright. Don't give the Malay society a bad name, especially yourself. RESPECT YOURSELF.

B.O.R.E.D

2007-09-03T18:17:00.000+08:00

I will be having my last performance at ITE Yishun on Friday... My body's feeling really tired because I had to clean my house. My house's masterbed room's toilet had an overhaul for the past 4 days which ended today. The weather is like crying for me.. Oh, I thank you for that! Haha! What the hell.. I'm moving on well but the scar is still there... I'm waiting for that guy to make a move but don't know when... Lambat, kene tinggal.. hehehe...

I need to change my attitude...

2007-09-01T10:20:00.000+08:00

THANK GOD MY EXAMS ARE OVER!! Yay! Finally, holiday.. Get to rest my fragile mind.. Yesterday was alright even though it was a bit of a rush. I met the girls, NAS (you know who you girls are), Fid, Raudah, Wana, and the boys, Hadi, Ayim, Hafiz and Aiman. We went to Parkway Parade to window-shop. Had the best time with my long lost friends. I miss them deeply OK! But I don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. It was like as though I overdosed on some 'happy' pills. I was over-ecstatic. I think they were annoyed with my attitude. Suddenly felt the urge to smoke. I already promised myself not to smoke anymore. I was craving for it all this while.. I supposed I was the loudest and rowdiest amongst them. I need to simmer down my wild side. I have to control it. I know I can. Haiz.. I felt like I spoilt my day with my fucking attitude. I just hate it.

Hadi went back early because he had to meet his other friends. Aiman and Hafiz met the rest of us later that day to play pool. Before that, we went to Time Zone to play Daytona. As always, I lose. I'm seroiusly not good in playing games. I sucked at it! Totally! Should train myself to play all these games.

We were playing pool at Hot Spot when someone caught my eye. I said to myself, "That guy looks familiar.." Then I remembered Fina's boo. It's not Dedy, it's Sat. I will remember that, Fina (haha!). Her boo has this funny name which I think I will have a hard time remembering it. Can't remember what it is.

In the end, we split. Mira and Raudah went back home, Fina, Nad and their boo stayed back with Hafiz to play pool while Aiman, Wana, Fid and Me went to Bugis. I just reached Bugis when Dad called me. Nak pergi makan. I was like, "Baru sampai, dah kene patah balik." I was pissed off by that. There's always next time but when? Ramadan is coming and I have 3 days left to bayar puasa. I'm sure I can't go out late during Ramadan. I'M A BIG GIRL NOW, DAD. Anyway, 26 days left to turn 18! Same goes for Mira! I have to go. I will blog soon ya!

Something's Missing In My Life

2007-08-22T15:08:00.000+08:00

Have been very busy with my revision. I was down with fever and tonsilitis(I think that's how it is spelled...) since Sunday. My head feels heavy. It's like a fat woman sitting on my head! Couldn't bear the excrutiating pain whenever I swallow my saliva. Tonsilitis is hell! Don't ever get yourself this because you will feel like you are going to die. I thought of going for an operation to remove it. I got tonsilitis thrice within 8 months! That's when fever kicks in. Argh! I need someone to hug me.. To show me love.. Haiz.. Nvm.. Just not the time yet. Recently, I had this strange dream. There's this guy kissing me in a theatre. I can't see the guy's face clearly. It was so real. I could feel his lips on mine. All of a sudden, the song 'Harapan' sang by Fazli Zainal, played.. And then the dream fade. Can anyone tell me what this dream means?

I don't know if you think the same way as I do but I think that sweet dreams do come true. So hoping for that special kiss.. *singing*Some people wait a life time for a moment like this..